from Rachel: Defeating Temptation

Question to consider: Who could I ask to be a spiritual partner to help me defeat a persistent temptation by praying for me?

“May 19

“If I really want to be sure to be held accountable and be prayed for, I tell Susie and ask her for prayer. Unfortunately, since I don’t like to feel nagged at, I hesitate to bring everything to her.

“It would be nice if Randy and I could get a little more serious and dependable so we could support each other spiritually.”

Dearest Rachel –

Mea culpa. It’s true, I didn’t work very hard trying to build you up in your spiritual walk back in those days. Even for myself, I didn’t start regularly reading the Bible until 2012, when Pastor Scott challenged us to do so with his Radical Objective program, but even then, it wasn’t as if I pushed you to do the same (as I was doing so in the early hours of the morning, almost specifically so that I wasn’t disturbed by or disturbing you in your sleep).

Indeed, for all the church-related things that we did together as a couple and as a family, we rarely tried for any togetherness in spiritual matters at home. The best we ever did was our prayers around mealtime, and those were mostly my responsibility. To be sure, I think they left an impression from time to time on people, particularly Daniel’s friends from Harper who would come over and occasion, and be surprised at our… conversational tone with God, as opposed to the rote, memorized formulas they and their families might use.

I’d like to say that we improved from 2004, but I don’t think we were as active in study or service as we could’ve been; heck, I think I’ve been more involved this past year than I ever was. Of course, part of that may have to do with having that much more free time now that I have fewer family commitments, but I imagine that’s just an excuse.

I really don’t know what to say. I’d call reading this entry ‘convicting,’ but does it really count if I can’t do anything about it anymore? Neither of us will be able to build each other up in our spiritual walk from this point on. Well, unless I can learn from the things you’ve written, and apply them to my life somehow. Normally, though, I didn’t have the same issues that you did.

It would be nice, however, if at some point in time, I could be able to find someone who would urge me onward in my walk, and I could do the same for her. Would you consider that to be honoring you if that were to come to pass?

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I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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