from Rachel: It All Starts With God

“April 20, 2004

“Let me begin by saying that this is my second time through this book. However, this time I intend to make every effort to read one chapter a day as intended (not cram on the afternoon of the meeting).

How can I remind myself today that life is really about living for God, not myself?

“Oh dear, I’m stumped on the first question – this doesn’t bode well. Short of leaving Post its around, I can’t think of any good way – except just trying to keep the thought ever present in my mind throughout the day.

“Perhaps I am a little better at listening to God‘s direction from my previous read of the book. Today after learning that Agnes and Eleanor Martinson had missed out on the church’s sale of discount books and needed two copies so they could begin today as we’re requested to, I felt prompted to go to Sam’s to save them the trip and the money. God helped me get all my work done in the choir office so quickly that I have plenty of time to go buy them and get to the Sugar Bowl before they finished lunch (and Ruth Morrice gave me a quarter of her ham and cheese sandwich).”

Dearest Rachel –

So, this is another thing that I found as part of our rummaging through the yellow room. You always did try your best to be faithful about taking notes and recording your thoughts. And while you never really did keep a journal, these are the closest things that I have to one. I may just put these in order as you’ve written them down, until I run out.

I guess that your attempt in addressing the first question explains how and why I’ve been finding Post-it notes from time to time while going through your side of the bedroom in the laundry room. You hadn’t left many post it notes behind, but enough that it was worthy of comment, and I see what sparked you to do so. You were trying to remind yourself to live for God rather than for yourself.

I don’t know how successful you were at it. Certainly, in public, you succeeded, And in ways I couldn’t of even dreamt of doing. But as I’ve been going through things, I sense that you doubted whether you’d gone far enough; whether what you were doing was genuine, or just a well-crafted act.

I can’t answer that for you, honey. I thought you were the best thing to ever happen to me. Heck, I thought the best thing that I’d ever done was to bring you up here, where you could bloom in front of so many more people that needed… you. It was the one thought that sustained me during some of the darker hours of my struggles at work; at least you were here, and that meant I’d done something right.

And you did help people in need; you were aware of them and their needs, which is more than I can say for myself. I’ve always been oblivious to others, quite honestly. You were the moral compass in the family. It’s almost strange to read your notes, and realize that you actually had to work at being aware of other people’s needs, and of being aware of God’s prompting.

But you managed it, and you acted on those prompts when you could. And while quarter of a ham and cheese sandwich hardly counts as a reward, you still found it worthwhile to remark on it. Maybe because you weren’t expecting a reward (which is as it should be), and got one anyway, regardless of how insignificant. Clearly, you appreciated it; for all I know, it might’ve been a day in which you hadn’t gotten around to lunch, so it was something that you needed in turn that God was seeing to. I know, I know – I’m reading more context than there is actually in this story, filling in blanks that may not really be there.

All I’m trying to say, is that you provided for others, and the Lord provided for you. Otherwise, why would that have gone remarked upon?

·Seek first [Be concerned above all else with] God’s kingdom and ·what God wants [L his righteousness]. Then all ·your other needs will be met as well [L these things will be given to you].

Matthew 6:33, Expanded Bible

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I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

4 thoughts on “from Rachel: It All Starts With God

  1. Dear Randy

    I write from the UK. I think it excellent that you put all your thoughts down as you have. I am very sorry Rachel was taken away from you as she was.

    But she will rise again at the resurrection of the dead and you will meet her again; if we did not have this hope for our loved ones where would we be?

    Rachel was thankful for the little things in life and the heavenly father likes that. He thanks His children and His unseen angels in the same way, although people do not realise it often sadly. His angels do the same, both seen and unseen.

    I struggled for many years with the burden of the world being sad; not that my own life was particularly sad but I did suffer loss as due to something my paternal grandmother wrote about my mother in a letter to my father.

    I don’t know exactly what was said but the consequence was that I did not get to meet either my grandfather or grandmother until I was 18 years old at university and could go myself. My sister never did, however, despite the fact I said to her that they wanted to see her.

    Anyway, I wrote this piece on my website which might be of interest. I consider I have done funnier pages and posts but this is both serious and funny, so not as morbid as it sounds!.

    I did look at several of your posts and I think they were all good so perhaps I should go and like all the ones I read.

    In the meantime, in everything give thanks, small and large. And if you have a funny joke for the heavenly Father do tell it to Him; you will feel better!

    Kind regards

    Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

    Liked by 1 person

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