Dearest Rachel –
It so happens that, this morning, the man who leads the Saturday morning study is going to be away this week. This is around his fifth anniversary – which is wild to realize; his wife barely met you, although she did apparently see you at one point when we had convened our worship service up at the camp in the summer of 2020, and told him at that time “That’s a woman I need to get to know” about you (and, apparently, your treatment of me) – and he’s, quite understandably, doing something special with her to celebrate. Given that Saturday morning was always “our” time together, it actually surprises me that as many guys as do show up, to be honest.
He’s missed Saturdays before – everyone does now and again (including myself for the next couple, as it so happens), so there’s nothing wrong with this – but this time around, it’s a little different. There is a second fellow who works alongside of him – and I’m pretty such nothing was said about his not being there this morning – but rather than simply handing the reins over to him, he took three of us regular attendees aside to speak with about the situation. Essentially, he asked the three of us if we could handle the discussion this morning.
This is not a responsibility I asked for, honey. I’ve already had it made abundantly clear that I’m not particularly good at leading. Put me up in front of a classroom, and while I don’t fall apart, I’m not what you’d call effective, either. I race through what I’ve prepared, and I don’t know if any of it stuck with those I’ve been assigned to instruct.
At the same time, if there’s no one there to teach this, someone needs to step up and fill the role. Not only that, but I often head over to the study without having done the work of reading the passage beforehand – although I usually wind up being the one doing so when we meet, thereby mitigating the need to do so, at least by my reckoning. Then again, that may be the whole point; I’m doing (or rather, not doing) things according to my own reckoning. If I have to be forced into a leadership position in order to do my homework, maybe that’s why I’m being given these reins that I never asked for.
Not that Jeff would know any of this, of course. The thing is, I can pass for knowledgeable on a lot of subjects, and in particular, most Bible-related ones. I sometimes wonder if this is why I can relate to AI so well, as it’s basically drawing on what it’s learned, only on a larger scale and at a faster speed than most of us humans can manage. Given a little time to read through the passage, I suppose these couple of pages of notes I’ve put together will be more than sufficient to get the others to think and discuss for a single hour.
And again, it isn’t as if I’m doing this on my own; Jeff gave this assignment not only to me, but to the other two as well – and at least one of them has a reputation for coming prepared every week, with references that go elsewhere into scripture and connect back to the passage at hand. Even if I were to show up as unprepared as I usually do, he could probably carry the group discussion on his own shoulders with ease; not that I would do that, any more than I would let a group I was in down back during our college days. It’s just not right.
So, I’ve put together a couple of pages of notes, complete with references and questions. At this point, it could easily go on for the full hour, depending on how many guys show up, and how into the discussion everyone gets. And that’s assuming the other two guys don’t bring in their own material; between the three of us, and the rest of the group, it might go on for two hours, if we aren’t careful. It feels like preparing to walk a tightrope, in that sense.
And with that having been said, I’ve done what I can to prepare for this; now the morning just has to play out, and we’ll see how it goes. I say it every day, honey, but if you could keep an eye on me, and wish me luck, I’d appreciate it more so now than most – because I’m really going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 