“‘If you are contented with simply being nice, and you are ignoring that the ability is a gift from God, you are still a rebel’ – C. S. Lewis”
“‘Immaturity’ is really selfishness and self-centeredness – putting our own pleasures and happiness above everyone else’s needs and happiness.’
“Take Time to Reflect:
“I feel most secure when…
“All I want [to] have/do is…
“The thing I worry most about is…
“The thing I get angriest about, panic over, lose sleep over is…”
In the blanks below write the two most significant statements in today’s reading assignment. Be prepared to discuss why the statements you chose were significant to you.
“They are (Greek word) ιδιας or uniquely ours, as our our own fingerprints: everyone has them, but not in exactly the same swirls and patterns – This reassures me, somehow. It’s normal not to be ‘normal’
“…these patterns are not visible when the teen is responding to authority. The contents of the tea bag are most often revealed in the hot water of supervision and instructions – I like the metaphor.”
Explain the difference between natural desires of the body and learned desires.
“It’s sort of like the difference between needs and wants. There are physical, unavoidable bodily needs, and then there are things we wish for, yearn for, obsess over and other such mental calisthenics which only feel like needs.”
Explain why many of these nurtured or learned desires are not wrong in themselves.
“It’s okay to have wants, wishes, dreams, and desires as long as there is no sin involved, such as coveting them on someone else, stealing them from them, possibly even killing them for them. Also, there needs to be adequate self-control to avoid gluttonous over-shopping or hoarding. (guilty)”
Concerning our own lust discussed in James 1:14, what does the apostle James use of the Greek word ιδιας tell us about the nature of our lusts?
“They are uniquely ours – they wouldn’t appeal to someone else and tempt them and theirs wouldn’t appeal to and tempt us. (Except where there is overlap) It’s like our DNA, each tiny portion is the same as many other people around us, but the exact combination is unique to each of us.”
Write down some examples of lusts (strong desires) that other people have that are not strong desires for you. These differences illustrate how we all have learned to lust in different combinations.
“new cars, trucks, motorcycles
“hunky guys, pretty girls, cute tushes, perky boobs
“new makeup, a visit to the salon, a mani/pedi
“gourmet coffee, expensive steak, lobster, snails
“expensive clothes, designer, labels, expensive shoes.”
Praise – “You are Jehovah Jireh, just, judicious, and jubilation inducing.”
Repent – “I am sorry I don’t feel more desire to study and memorize your word.”
Yield – “I don’t want to be a rebel, help me to stop.”
Dearest Rachel –
I suppose you were pressed for time (and space) on the opening page for this particular week’s study – and I suppose you considered that the answers to the questions to reflect on would always be in flux from day to day (which, to be fair, is quite true) – but I confess to wishing you’d put an answer, any answer, down for each of those in the moment. For all that I have hundreds of photos of you and what you looked like at various times in your life, I don’t have nearly as many snapshots of your emotional and spiritual state.
Then again, those are few and far between for most of us, to be fair; I realize that would have been a big ask of you. Comparatively speaking, I should be grateful that I have so many of these notes of yours; it’s more than most people leave behind. But you can understand how, when a line trails off like that, it feels incomplete. Then again, this was never meant to be read by others; this was supposed to be an admonition to yourself to take your personal spiritual pulse every now and then. A snapshot here and now would have interfered with that process. Although I’d also be curious as to whether and how often you referred back to these questions in order to do so, and if you did, whether you noticed any change, whether positive or negative.
I have to admit – and I suppose it’s a rebellious streak in me to do so – it bothers me to see self-centeredness characterized as immaturity. We understand our own desires, and seek to satisfy them, because we are the ones who have them. It’s vastly more difficult to determine what another person wants or needs when you don’t feel and desire what they do. To give a tame analogy (and I’m sure you can think of a spicier one), consider when I would massage your shoulders and back; only you knew where the knot was at any given time, and could direct me to work on it as I worked my way around. I couldn’t sense that relief without being told, because I wasn’t the one suffering the lack.
So it is with helping others satisfy any other need. Some, to be fair, are basic and universal – although even then, people have their own tastes, quite literally. Consider trying to get the group of us to agree on a place for dinner, or a single main course at home. The need to eat is common to all of us, but none of us seems to ever want to eat the same thing. From there, things only get that much more complicated as we work our way up Maslow’s pyramid. I’ll be honest, there are times I just want to give up trying – or at least restrict myself to those easiest levels.
It’s amusing to look over that list of things that you didn’t care about having, though, and recall how you prided yourself on being a ‘cheap date’ – your words, even, not mine. Oh, you could enjoy some of them, and if offered, I doubt you’d say no to most of them (although the truck and the motorcycle wouldn’t likely appeal, and while you might want to be cuter or perkier, you wouldn’t want anyone else, regardless of how pretty or handsome), but they weren’t at all necessary. You’re a hard act to find an encore for, honey, that’s for sure.
But maybe that quest is just more selfishness on my part, and I need to do something about dismissing that somehow. In which case, I’m definitely going to need your eye upon me, with an added wish for luck, if you don’t mind…
Letters to Rachel 