Nightmares of Work

Dearest Rachel –

I can’t believe that I still have days (well, nights, actually) when I find myself agonizing over something I need to do for work in my dreams. To call them nightmares might overstate things, but having to go in to the office and deal with Mohinder rather does border on that territory. 

I don’t know which is more galling about waking up from such a moment, though; is it the realization that I’m retired, and will therefore never darken that office door again anyway, or is it just the fact that, today being Saturday, I wouldn’t be dealing with the office (or at least, any interpersonal issues I have there) today, in any event? Either way, it leaves me more than a little annoyed with my subconscious mind for putting me through such concerns.

It’s something that I think everyone who has a job finds themself dealing with every now and again, no matter what their job may be. There’s always some issue that remains unresolved, and your subconscious mind insists on trying to fix it, despite the fact that, even if it comes up with a solution, you can’t use it in the moment, since you’re asleep, and once you wake up, you’ll forget it long before you get to the office, even if it was a viable solution.

Now, you may have been an exception to this situation, since you never actually held down a job as such (and therefore never had a work template to pattern such a dream off of), but what do I know? You may have had more than your share of classroom nightmares, even after you graduated, and we were happily married together.

You’ll notice that I’m not going into any great detail as to the specifics of what this dream (nightmare?) was. I could mention that it had something to do with my assembling a personnel spreadsheet, or database, or something like that, but it really doesn’t matter. The point is, it was something I wouldn’t need to be doing in life, and therefore concerning my mind with in the subconscious world. And now that I’m awake – at three in the morning, no less – I’m more than a little annoyed about it.

To be sure, last night was another one of those evenings when I fell asleep way too early for my own good. This is how things are when you don’t have much of a social life, I suppose – and it may be exacerbated by the fact that I was up early yesterday morning, working out, and therefore would fall tired rather early in the evening. But still, having to deal with nightmares of work, of all things, feels a little uncalled for on my subconscious’ part. I don’t know if it’s being too cruel to me as a whole person, or to itself, by putting itself through such unnecessary paces.

I suppose I should look on the bright side of this. Yes, it may be obscenely early in the morning, but at least I have material to tell you about for today. Saturdays, as a rule, tend to be a bit slower in terms of new things to tell you about (and time to do so, as between the Bible study, hangout time with Daniel, and my weekend assignment in the booth – which, oddly enough, I never have nightmares about – I have a surprisingly full, if fairly low-key routine to the day). As with regard to the hour of the day, being able to put it down in print precludes me from having to wake you up and tell you about it all verbally. I know you liked to hear about my dreams now and again, but not at this hour.

Of course, if you were still around, and I had one of these dreams, I’d probably not bother to record it or tell you about it (despite the fact that you might have wanted to hear about it). I’d be too concerned about rolling over and going back to sleep until you were awake and we could do things together that, well… let’s just say they wouldn’t involve the men’s Bible study in the morning (Sometimes, I wonder when the others have time for their wives, to be honest, as a number of them still work). At most, I would probably give you a kiss on the forehead before returning to sleep, and whisper my thanks once again that this nightmare is only that. This isn’t something I have to deal with anymore in real life, on Saturday or any other day, and I have you to thank for that – and I can’t thank you enough.

But still, I have the rest of the day to deal with, and so I’m going to ask you to keep an eye on me all the same, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it, in any event.