Slightly Naked

Dearest Rachel –

This is the sort of thing that would have freaked you out in the moment – because it’s so out of character, and begs at least one significant question – and then given you something of a laugh afterward, once everything had resolved itself. It certainly did as much for me, once everything was said and done; so I figured I’d tell you about it, and see if it amused you as much as I think it would have.

Two piece of background information to give you, although you knew them well enough to consider any reiteration like this unnecessary; still, this is for the folks reading this over your shoulder, then. The first is that I don’t consider myself dressed unless I have the following things in my pockets when I’m out in public; car keys (which is the most obvious, as I can’t go far if I can’t start my car), house keys (also obvious, as once I get home, I need to get back inside, right?), wallet and phone. Technically, the latter two aren’t always necessary, but eh… close enough, really. As part of my ensemble, each item occupies a different pocket, and thereby fills all of the standard one; front and back, left and right. If any one of these was missing, I’d be feeling slightly naked.

The other bit of backstory involves the fact that, since it’s the middle of the month, the certificates we get from the local superstore, which I earn from using the credit card as the source of my charitable contributions throughout the month, were about to expire, so I needed to get over there and use them up. And this time around, I actually had specific things to purchase with them, due to the holiday season. Not that I’d be buying gifts at the place – although I suppose I could, if I ever bothered to shop at the place for more than just groceries – but because this is the time of year when I actually do some food preparation. Between the family Christmas party on Sunday, and the brunch soufflé I prepare for the day itself, I had a lot of ingredients that we didn’t have on hand at the moment, and needed to go out and get them.

Now, maybe this was something you and Daniel used to do together, so he has some nostalgia for such trips; I tend to expect that he would prefer to stay home, doing whatever he’s been doing over the course of the day. But since I’d given him a heads-up that I would be making an effort to come home early in order to get this shopping done, he seemed more than willing to head out with me – especially since I promised to get “linner” (I don’t like that word, but there’s no other suitable afternoon counterpart to “brunch” in the English language) for us while we were out. It’s possible that, given the fact that your car is still moribund – and yes, he tested it yesterday, and it would seem that the warming temperatures have been of little help, although it at least tries to turn over – he’s just that much more likely to jump at the opportunity to get out of the house. Once you’re forced to stay home, it’s that much less fun to do so.

In any event, since I knew that the supplies I was planning on stocking up would exceed the amount of the expiring certificates, I brought a few more from the following month, just in case. Meanwhile, Daniel kept going on ahead of me in the aisles, despite the fact that I had the list; getting out of the house was one thing, but he seemed to be more eager to move on to picking up his meal, as he hadn’t been able to get to his usual pair of shops to pick up his weekly smoothie-and-sandwich combo in some time. I actually had to rein him in a bit, which is an odd sort of thing to say about him in such a circumstance. In his defense, the process did take longer than it probably should have, as I was being a little aimless in my own efforts.

But eventually, we got to the checkout area, and since our haul exceeded the item maximum for the self-checkout kiosks, we went to one with an actual cashier and unloaded everything onto the conveyor belt. Now, I’m not sure why, but in that process, my hand went to my wallet pocket in that moment… only to discover that there was nothing there. I had gone out shopping – where the whole point was to spend money on things – and left my wallet at home… or worse.

It’s that “worse” possibility that might have had you freaking out in the moment; to be honest, while I was trying to remain calm on the outside, I was quietly worried. Not that we couldn’t pay for the groceries, of course – that what the certificates were for, and Daniel was willing to cover the difference, as well as his own meal (since he’s done that on the regular with his weekly ventures out of the house for the same) – but that I hadn’t remembered taking my wallet out at home when I’d returned from the ‘office.’ Had I gotten my pocket picked while here at the supermarket?

Still, we continued on our pre-planned route home, with Daniel getting himself his usual smoothie and sub sandwich at the strip mall across the street. I decided to skip out on anything at either shop, both out of a lack of Daniel’s enthusiasm for their wares (as well as not wanting to burden him with my order), and a mounting concern as to what might have happened to my wallet, and what I would need to do once we got home, in terms of canceling cards and the like. We got home, hauled everything inside in one trip (because that’s what men are supposed to be able to do), and set everything down in the kitchen.

While Daniel loaded the refrigerator with the provisions that belonged there, I went about casing the house, just to see where I might have set my wallet down. Sure enough, it was here at home… sitting blithely on the dresser, as it had presumably been all day. I hadn’t taken it out and deliberately left it behind the afternoon; I’d never picked it up in the first place. I’d been walking around slightly naked all day, and I hadn’t realized it.

All’s well that ends well, I guess, honey, so with that, we can laugh about the situation (and hope you found this amusing as well). It’s still a bit embarrassing to have done so – and have had to rely on Daniel having his wallet with him to pay for everything for once – but here’s hoping I can learn from the moment to be a little more cautious and circumspect going forward. I’m not sure, though; this felt like an outlier of a day, and how do you prepare for one of those?

I suppose the best thing I can do in the moment is to ask you to continue to keep an eye on me, honey, and wish me luck, because as you can see, I’m going to need it.