Dearest Rachel –
“Anyone free this weekend?”
After three weeks of silence in the group chat, it was Logan who ventured the question the other day. Evidently, he thought it might be worthwhile to see if the others wanted to do something together either today or tomorrow. Which you might think to be a no-brainer; after all, doing something beats doing nothing any day.
But that’s not how things played out. To be sure, one of our number is counted out by default these days, taking care of her mom as she declines; you remember those days yourself, and you’d be able to understand (even if her experience is a little more hands-on than yours ever was). Meanwhile, another stated that her own parents are in town over the weekend, so she, too, will be otherwise occupied.
So it’s not as if they’re doing nothing; they are already doing something, but with people other than us. With family, even, and they come first. So I don’t really have the right to complain about the situation. And yet, that leaves us boys at loose ends for yet another weekend, free to do what amounts to nothing at all.
Now, Daniel and Logan seem perfectly content to hang out together, like they do most every night, watching anime and listening to podcasts. And while I’m capable of doing something similar on my own, there’s only so much of it I can do before I just get tired of it. At least the boys can discuss what they’re watching with each other; I’ve only got the contents of my own skull to engage with. It’s not the same.
Although… it’s possible that I give them too much credit. For all they know, I’m perfectly content where I am, doing what I’m doing; it’s possible that they’re as tired of this day-in, day-out arrangement as I am, but never thought to bring it up with each other – or me – out of sheer politeness.
It would certainly explain Logan’s question. He’d apparently like to get out of the house (or bring people to the house – either option is a change in scenery) if others were keen on the idea. But given the limited response, it looks like it’s going to just be the three of us – and on our own, we can’t be arsed to do more than what we’re already doing. It’s just easier, I suppose.
At the same time, there’s at least one loose thread that could stand to be tied up, but in the silence that followed Logan’s inquiry, it hasn’t been addressed, as the person in question hasn’t replied one way or another. She’s been quiet overall for several days, in fact, so I don’t know if or when the travel arrangements we’ve discussed are on or not. Whether anything happens this weekend, I do hope to hear from her soon, as I need to act – or back down – before we head out next week.
Which brings me to a point where I really should stop complaining about ‘do-nothing’ weekends. Daniel and I will be getting out of the house in a big way for the next three of these, so it’s not as if every weekend this summer has been, or is going to be, a snooze-fest. And over the ones where I’ve been home, I’ve usually had enough claims on my time to preclude too much social interaction (as it turned out, this was the first week all summer when I could ask “Lee” out for a date. Granted, she’s got a relative coming over, so it didn’t work out, either – which, now that I think about it, may be another reason why I’m so grumpy about the situation). It’s just that, given a fully clear weekend, not being able to make anything of it is a step or two beyond disappointing.
To be sure, if the two of us could hang out together and do the same amount of nothing that I’m doing on my own, I’m not sure I would have all these objections to it. After all, we’d likely be doing less nothing together than I wind up doing by myself – I don’t think I have to explain myself any further than that. But that’s not an option anymore, honey, and I have to deal with all the nothing that I’m free to do as is.
So with that being said, keep an eye on me in the midst of it all, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 