Dearest Rachel –
Another morning dawns, and with it, the realization that I can’t have a day that passes for normal just yet. Woke up before two with a coughing jag, and took a little more medicine to allow me to go back to sleep, and managed to eke out another five hours worth, in fact. Now that I’m awake, I’m not dealing with as many symptoms as I was yesterday or Monday – my temperature is below 96ºF, and my weight is just above the two-fifteen line (so much for ‘feeding a cold,’ eh?) – other than a bit of fogginess in the head, probably a result of medicating myself at that weird hour. Granted, things may change as the medications wear off, but for now, with rather little else to do or contemplate, I’m seeking distractions to keep my mind occupied on anything other than this head cold, since I probably should stay away from public places like the gym or my ‘office.’
When I speak of ‘distractions,’ I can’t help but be reminded of one of several repeated (with some variation, of course, but a similar commentative note) verses in Ecclesiastes. While I try to make a point of reading a chapter of Proverbs on a daily basis, there are some things from Solomon’s other writings that stick with me that much more when I encounter them on my way through the rest of the Scripture. Maybe it’s just that I relate to ‘Qoheleth’s’ cynicism, being of a similar age, if not quite his level of life experience. At least, for all of it, he still suggests that there are things worth doing, even as he dismisses them as just as meaningless as the rest of life.
Enjoy life with the wife you love. Enjoy all the useless [1:2] days of this useless [1:2] life God has given you ·here on earth [L under the sun; 1:3], because it is ·all you have [L your lot/reward/portion in life]. So enjoy the ·work [toil] you do ·here on earth [L under the sun; 1:3]. Whatever ·work you [L your hand finds to] do, do ·your best [L with all your strength], because you are going to ·the grave [L Sheol], where there is no ·working [or action], no ·planning [or thought], no knowledge, and no wisdom [2:24–26; 3:12–14, 22; 5:18–20; 8:15; C such activities and pleasures are distractions from the meaninglessness of life].
Ecclesiastes 9:9-10, Expanded Bible
Of course, even here, he has to twist the knife by recommending that the reader “enjoy life with the wife you love,” which I’d be more than willing to do, if that was still an option. But as with his Proverbs, I have to take into account that this is written to the world at large; most men my age would presumably still be married, and his exhortation would apply to them. The fact that I’m an outlier doesn’t diminish the wisdom of his instruction. Besides, the other verse clusters don’t include that particular phrase.
Not only that, but there’s the fact that there’s not much I can do in the way of ‘work’ at the moment, given my weakened state (heck, would I even be able to ‘enjoy’ your presence to the fullest if you were here at the moment?) However, I will maintain that I need to distract myself from the situation at hand as best I can while I do my best to continue with the recovery process.
Thankfully, as I’ve observed so many times before, we live in the modern age of the internet, where information comes at us to drink up like a firehose at a teacup. Our generation – and those before us that remain – may look down upon those succeeding us with disdain for not being able to peel their faces away from their screens, but let’s face it; we’re jealous that they will grow up being unaware of the concept of boredom, if they so choose. Had we been in their shoes, we would be consuming information and entertainment with the exact same voracity as they do. Granted, it might not be any more glorifying to God than sitting around doing nothing, but when that’s the only alternative, such as in this case, the distraction is preferable to wallowing in despair.
So between that, and debating whether I should continue to let this beard grow on my face (you wouldn’t have liked it, but as you’re not here to refuse to kiss it, what difference does it make?), I’m probably going to spend another day in front of the bedroom computer distracting myself from my cold by engaging with the world at large. Who knows; I might even be able to get some actual work in while I do so (although I’m not going to hold myself to that).
In either case, honey, keep an eye on me today, and wish me luck. I’m sure I’m still going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 