Ill at Ease

Dearest Rachel –

Monday morning, and something just doesn’t feel right. Much as I’m planning to head to the ‘office’ for what should be an ordinary day (with a side request to help the folks deal with “a credit card situation,” which probably just involves an internet communication issue), there’s this sense that I’m forgetting something, like I’ve promised to meet someone somewhere at some time today. When I look at my calendar, I’m not seeing anything, but that’s no proof that I haven’t made plans; it just means I haven’t written them down like I ought to have. It’s just the sort of thing to put one ill at ease first thing in the morning and first thing as the week begins.

Then again, maybe it’s just that I’m straight up ill this morning. Whatever Daniel’s been struggling with for the past couple of days has finally caught up with me. Which shouldn’t come as any surprise, given our proximity. Despite the fact that we generally sit on opposite sides of the room (and the bedroom is a big room, compared to most), we’ve spent more time together this weekend than most, since Logan has been with his own family for most of the weekend. Not only that, but we made it to both cook-outs on Saturday, which meant we spent a lot of time in the car together. It would be a shock if I got out of it all unscathed.

Of course, this leaves me hesitant to head to the gym first thing in the morning; I don’t know if I could wipe the equipment down well enough for the staff’s liking, to be honest. And while you’d be forgiven for pointing out that I normally don’t have the motivation to go work out (it’s a fair cop), the fact that I’m first awake before the place would open up, and then blinking owlishly at the clock reading three hours later – leaving me only so much time to get dressed and head over to the ‘office’ – makes it that much more difficult. Which is something of a pity, as those two cook-outs put me dangerously close to the two-twenty line, which I really don’t want to cross. A good workout would get me safely below that line – it might even drop me back under two-fifteen again, in fact – but I think I’d be considered a danger to others there.

Then again, I don’t have the external symptoms of coughing and sniffling, at least not to the extent that Daniel’s been exhibiting them. Mine include a raw throat and body aches, as well as a general sense of tiredness (which also discourage the whole workout thing). If it weren’t for the folks’ request for assistance, I might call the day off – although there are a few things I really should take care of, in terms of general reporting for the church and camp.

And then there’s this nagging sensation that I agreed to something that’s happening today, but I can’t remember what or with who, so I can’t contact them and let them know I’m not feeling all the well, and can we please postpone this for another time? It’s an uncomfortable situation to be in. At first, I thought it was a meeting with my broker to go over my portfolio, but that isn’t until next week – and while I could stand to liquidate a few holdings so that we can pay for our upcoming trip to Israel, that can wait until then.

Most of my bills either come due at the beginning or the end of the month; right now, things should be reasonably clear. There may never be a good time to get sick, but this is as good as one can ask for, when nothing is due, and I’m not on the road. Indeed, considering that we’re flying out in a couple weeks time, it’s actually ideal to get this over and done with before then, so we can enjoy ourselves in the peak of restored health.

It’s just that… at the moment… I’m sure that there isn’t something I’m missing, that needs to be addressed. This being real life, and not some overarching ARG (alternate reality game), I may not figure out what it is, or if I do, it might not be important enough to tell you about if I do. I may be worrying about absolutely nothing, in fact, and if I don’t remember about this letter, I may not get back to you to let you know (and you’d probably wonder why I would bother you about it if that was the case, anyway). But for the moment, this is what’s concerning me… albeit less and less, as the day wears on, and I have to pay attention to the real matters at hand, in terms of tasks to do and health to keep up with.

So for the time being, honey, I hope you’ll bear with this loose narrative thread dangling into the foreseeable future. Keep an eye on me – indeed, the desire to see this wrapped up might encourage you to do so – and wish me luck, as I’m going to need it.