Enforced Silence

Dearest Rachel –

I have a couple of topics to share with you about the past 24 hours, so if I’m really motivated (and Daniel manages to get the night’s rest he needs and deserves), you might get more than one letter today, as they’re not really related to each other. They won’t be long letters, like the one going on about tuk-tuks (and I still haven’t heard squat from that British guy), but at least you’ll have heard from me.

Actually, this first one is going to be a short one for a different reason. Basically, it’s a bit of a complaint, and a recursive one at that. I can’t tell you much more about it, and that’s what I’m complaining about.

There are at least two pieces of news that I was confronted with when I arrived at the ‘office’ yesterday. Now, the folks are doing fine themselves, so please don’t worry about them, but beyond that, there’s nothing more I can say.

If you were still around, I would be able to talk to you about these situations. There wouldn’t be anything we could do about them, but the burdens inherent in the news would be halved by dint of being shared between two pairs of shoulders. But here and now? It’s not like I can allow anyone reading over your shoulder to know anything about what’s going on with either of these situations – or what these situations even are.

In fact, it’s entirely possible that, by being as vague in describing the situation to you like this, I’m going to look back on this moment, when things have resolved (and they will, as nothing in life lasts forever), and wonder what it was that I was trying to tell you about. If those reading over your shoulder are confused, well, it may well be that I’ll join their ranks soon enough.

The only thing that will remain from this moment will be the clear fact (and at least I can spell this out) that this enforced silence is horrendously frustrating for me. I can’t tell you more, and I can’t record it to look back on. Like my folks, I have to deal with this news in silence.

True, I could tell Daniel, but I don’t know how he would react; and in any case, he’s got his own health to concern himself with at the moment. As my peer and lifelong friend – and having gone through some issues on your own in your later years, although not exactly like these particular stores – you had the emotional strength to deal with such stuff, and I really miss being able to let you know about these things.

So yeah, that’s my complaint for the morning; one more reason to get working on that separate topic as a palate cleanser. Although, I think I’ll hit the gym first; Daniel and I fed his cold last night, and I think I need to work a little bit of that meal off. Besides, maybe it will clear my head for my next letter.

Until then, keep an eye on me, honey, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.