The Part You Used to Play

Dearest Rachel –

So, yesterday was Mothers’ Day; the real one, not the early one we observed last week in order to celebrate with my mom, since we were going to be on the island this week.  And with that having been said, I should mention that we made a point to head to the ‘town square’ and the general store, in order to get sufficient internet access to attend our church service remotely.  It was an uncomfortable experience, what with the tent area of the pizzeria being somewhat open to the wind (and for some reason, there were speakers piping in country music the whole time), but it’s not like it was something we didn’t expect or experience previously.

One of the things they make a point of saying at church, even as they acknowledge and celebrate the day, is the fact that, for some in the congregation, Mothers’ Day isn’t an entirely pleasant one.  Some folks have a strained relationship with their mothers, to put it mildly, while others might be dealing with the recent loss of their mother (regardless of the quality of their previous relationship).  I can’t tell if that’s something that Daniel suffers from; if nothing else, he’s had four such Mothers’ Days previous to come to terms with it.  For what it’s worth, it doesn’t show as much as I think it used to.  That said, I do wonder if it bothers him to only have one parent to be there for him anymore.

I will say that it renders the dynamic of island life a little different from how it ever was.  Once upon a time, you did most of the cooking and the cleaning (although the latter usually didn’t happen until you had enough pots, pans and dishes to make it worth the time to fill the sink with hot water and soap), while I did what I could to keep us all entertained by finding this or that show or series to binge on, in the absence of internet or even a reliable television channel connection.  With you gone, it feels like I’m doing penance for not having done enough with and for you in the kitchen until now by having to do it all myself these days, playing both my own part as well as the part you used to play.

On the other hand, it’s not as if it’s been a terrible chore to perform, either.  I think I mentioned about the brownie mix we brought with us to put together for the gang (and, since it only turned out to be the two of us, we put it together the first full day on the island, since we wanted to have them eaten before we left).  I’d also brought chili fixings and cornbread mix, to try to assemble a chili pie that same night – again, because I expected to have leftovers, and wanted to have them consumed before leaving the island.

Meanwhile, yesterday morning before church, Daniel thought we had enough time to put together a full-size breakfast, rather than just bowls of cereal in milk.  After telling me that he wanted soft-boiled eggs on his toast – and how long they would need to be boiled in order to meet his specifications regarding the desired runniness, I suggested he boil his own eggs, rather than try to instruct me how to do it.  It’s like teaching him to fish, so he can eat the way he wants to for the rest of his life; or at least that’s the story I’m going to tell myself.

One difference between you and I on this front is that I try to wash everything off after each meal; there’s always at least one pot or pan that serves as a makeshift vessel in lieu of a sink in which to wash the remaining utensils.  I do, however, leave the drying (which used to be my job, back in the day) to the elements, letting the clean dishes sit in the rack for a day or so before putting them away.  I don’t know if that’s really the best thing for them, but since I feel like I can only do so much of your role and mine, this will have to do.  I hope you agree that this is reasonable.

In any event, that’s how things are these days on the island; hope it meets with your approval. For now, though, I’d hope you’d be willing to keep an eye on us, and wish us luck. We’re going to need it.