Dearest Rachel –
Now that the busyness of the Easter weekend is in the rear view mirror, I have to get on with things regarding our (and I do mean our; you’re coming along with. In fact, you’re the reason we’re even doing this, after all) trip to the island. I’ve gotten a confirmation from the Clarks, the folks who own the cottage we used to rent, and we are booked for Friday the ninth through Thursday the fifteenth. Basically, your scattering ceremony – such as it’s likely to be, given the temperature of the waters – will be on our last full day there, and we’ll be leaving the morning after. It makes sense, in a way – once we’ve finally said goodbye to you, what’s left to do but say goodbye to the place entirely?
One of the things Mr. Clark pointed out that I need to do is make sure that I have reservations for the ferry between Catawba Point and the island itself. This isn’t the busy season, and there aren’t as many ferry crossings at this point, so I need to let the company know we’re coming. Not so much of a problem, except for the fact that I can’t feasibly be the only one driving; you remember how tightly you used to pack the car for the three of us, and it looks like there’s going to be four of us going this time around.
Yes, I said four; given her mother’s precarious health, it would seem that Ellen has decided to forego the trip after all. To be sure, she’s at least been to the island with you a time or two (during seasons in my life when I wasn’t able to take the time off), so she at least might have a dim recollection of the place. On the other hand, her last visit was a couple decades ago, when you and your folks were staying at the cottages a little ways north of where we finally settled into starting in 2007, so she really doesn’t know the place as we remember it.
Meanwhile, I’m starting to lose certainty about Kerstin and Erin. I’ve already told you about Erin’s distaste for driving, which while mildly surprising (at least in terms of extent – it struck me as wild that she would rather let me drive her car, nearly sight unseen, than have to make the return trip from Macomb at the wheel), actually made sense in context of past events and opinions. But just yesterday, Kerstin was telling me about not wanting to make such a drive, despite practically making a living out of doing so. Then again, maybe doing so exhausts her to the point where she would just rather not; she even quoted the old proverb about how ‘the shoemaker’s children run barefoot.’ Why put herself through this, if she’s not getting paid to? She knows I’m driving – and, the reason why were going aside, I’m happy to do so – so she’s looking to hop a ride with Daniel and me. Which I’m fine with, but I’m unsure about packing us in with the provisions.
And that’s setting aside the fact that Erin supposedly wants to bring Shadowfax, her bicycle (she’s named it for the legendary mount from Lord of the Rings) along. Again, we’ve brought bicycles before in our SUV, but that severely limits the room for other provisions and accessories – to say nothing of the fact that another seat would be taken by another person, if she were to ride with us. I’m not sure we could bring everything and everyone in a single car; someone else is going to have to be driving as well, despite the fact that neither of them wants to.
And you might remember that I mentioned that we have the cottage starting Friday the ninth? Somehow, I doubt that either of them scheduled their vacation time starting until the weekend. Daniel and I could be traveling there any time we might want to – heck, we’ll probably make our usual stop in Maumee on Thursday night (despite not having to stay at our usual pet-friendly hotel this last time around), so we can breakfast at the Waffle House and make it to the ferry bright and early on Friday – but thats probably not an option for the girls, assuming they’re coming. I really don’t know how this is going to work out.
The irony of this all is that we’ve held off on taking you there because of them; as I’ve said, Daniel and I could have headed out there at any time (albeit preferably during the summer), but we were of the understanding that your friends wanted to be a part of this moment as well, and so we held off until everybody’s schedules could be brought into alignment. Granted, in the process, it’s given me the chance to do a little more with your ashes than if you’d passed away just before we’d planned to head to the island (and Daniel and I could have just brought you with and set you adrift back in 2021). Between the diamond and the shaker, I’ve managed to do so much more with what’s left of you than you would have ever expected, or dreamed of asking for. Of course, given that you often had very specific desires as to what you wanted done for yourself, I’m not entirely sure you would have approved, but since most of you is going where you asked, I’d hope you’d be willing to split the difference.
Now, to be fair, Ellen’s situation with her mom is unavoidable, and there’s nothing that can be done about it – you remember about your efforts to deal with your parents’ decline, and know that not everyone can provide 24-hour care for parents. So, while I’m sorry she can’t make it, I certainly don’t begrudge her the situation. But I don’t know what to do about the others; if they don’t want to come (or don’t want to drive), I’m not sure how this is going to turn out. Again, it’s about time we did this, and we’ll manage regardless. But it does feel mildly annoying to have delayed so long for their sakes specifically, and be met with indifference at this point; if we had known it would be Daniel and myself, this could have been done that much sooner.
Then again, it’s not that I’m sure it will be just Daniel and me. Kerstin wants to go; she just doesn’t want to drive. And as for Erin, well… I just don’t know, and I don’t feel comfortable asking her on a one-on-one basis. So I’m sending out the ferry timetable to the group chat, and I’ll see what develops, and what reservations I need to make. I even suggested a side trip to Cedar Point – not only did it become a separate tradition for the three of us, once it was just the three of us, it would cut down on the need for stocking up on that many provisions, as we’d be eating at the park that day. And, of course, we’ll probably have a day at South Bass as well. Anything to keep us busy, since we aren’t going to be going fishing (and I don’t think we’ll be watching as much television or playing board games in the evening like we used to do. I’ll bring my laptop, and those old MAME games, though, and see if the girls find them interesting).
With that being said, honey, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m pretty sure I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 