That’s How They Get You

Dearest Rachel –

Technically, this is something I’d consider to be old news by now, having happened a week or so ago, but since it happened after your departure, it would still probably be news to you. You might remember those companies that would offer a DNA analysis service back in the day; I think some of our favorite YouTubers at the time would occasionally have them as sponsors, and there were those, such as Markiplier and Jack Septiceye, who even sent in their information to be analyzed, for content (both the process of sending the DNA sample – just spitting into a test tube, nothing more unseemly than that – and the examination of the result thereafter. I think I recall that Jack was somewhat dismayed at the suggestion that he wasn’t 100% Irish; however, given that many of those that occupy Hibernia came from Viking raids, at shouldn’t have been so much of a surprise that what constitute “100% Irish” just… isn’t).

In any event, while I won’t name names here, I think the first name that comes to mind for most people went bankrupt recently. It seems a chicken-and-egg situation, but at roughly the same time, they announced that whatever data they had collected on their clients had been ‘breached’ or ‘hacked.’ I’m not sure if they went bankrupt first, and in the process of either winding down or reorganizing, their cybersecurity systems were compromised, or if the breach happened first, and, seeing the impending legal actions that might take place due to it (and what discovery might reveal about their practices), decided to close up shop to avoid as many repercussions as possible. Either way, though, they are no more.

I mention all this because it came up between Lars and I as we made our way through the forest preserve yesterday, but also because the whole concept intrigued you and me, once upon a time. Particularly for myself; unlike you – who could trace your heritage far enough back to be a member of the D.A.R., were to to wish to enroll yourself as a member – I have know knowledge of my heritage; that’s what comes from being an adoptive child. I used to joke (and still do, from time to time) about how Daniel is the only blood relative I have that I know of. At some point when this product was being heavily advertised (and demonstrated) on YouTube, you suggested that I should consider looking into it. Even if I wasn’t all that concerned about my ancestry, per se (a lot of people comment about how Dad and I look similar, and are astonished when I inform them that we aren’t related), there was always the fact that I might have genetic markers indicating a predisposition toward this or that serious ailment or disease that could be taken into account going forward with my doctors.

And while I never considered it worth my time to look into my blood ancestry – as far as I’m concerned, the couple who took the effort to raise me are my real parents, and stuff biology – the possibility of genetic issues, such as cancer or dementia, made for a persuasive argument towards looking into it. However, while I may not have suffered from it to the extent that you did, I was a procrastinator regarding this situation, and it never got done.

Now, it looks like it never will… and that seems to have been for the best.

Lars, for his part, was expressing an adamant distaste for the whole business model, even without taking into account the fact that the company has gone bankrupt and evidently let all the data it collected on its clients to fall into Lord-knows-whose hands. Even when I mention the possibility that my genome sequence might have markers for genetic illnesses – a theoretical selling point for a doctor like himself, who would rely on family history in helping to diagnose a patient – he dismissed it as a shiny object to distract a potential customer from the gross invasion of privacy the product represented on its face. “That’s how they get you” to buy it, he says, “they offer you something cool in exchange for your whole identity.” The next thing you know, they know everything about you.

This isn’t actually the first discussion of such stuff that we’ve had, even since the beginning of the year. While aboard the Serenade of the Seas together, we noticed one day that the photography studio on the Promenade deck (right next to the robotic bar; I don’t know if there was meant to be a connection – let the robots serve you enough drinks, and you’re in the mood to have your picture taken?) was displaying, and offering the opportunity to take you very own, optical photographs.

While the display had people oohing and ahhing over it, this was one of the only things seen aboard ship that he was openly disdainful of. Not over any artistic merit, or lack thereof, but the fact that those taking these pictures were essentially recording the subject’s own identity – one’s iris, it would seem, is a unique marker not unlike one’s fingerprints. To him, it was as if people were willingly surrendering their identity for the sake of “something cool.” You wouldn’t tell someone your social security number for something like that, he argued.

And I see his point, assuming it’s true that one’s eyes are, in fact, as unique as we’ve been led to believe. You’re the sci-fi devotee of the pair of us; you remember how so many locked doors could be opened in the hypothetical future by an optical scan: “Identity confirmed; Welcome, Doctor Smith.” Even I could see how, if someone had the detailed of what another person’s iris looked like, a contact lens could be manufactured even with today’s technology so that someone could masquerade as that other person. It’s high-tech identity theft, maybe, but it’s still identity theft. And we’re potentially submitting to it, willingly and eagerly. Only our own dithering and procrastination caused us from being caught up in this bankruptcy issue. Guess there’s something good to be said for that, after all…

In any event, keep an eye on us, honey (and make sure it doesn’t get scanned and recorded), and wish us luck. We’re going to need it.