Inertia

Dearest Rachel –

The presents are bought, yes, and they have been for a week or two already. But they’ve been sitting by (or on) my bed unwrapped all this time. I could argue that I’m still waiting for the last shipment to come in, but at this point, I’ve lost track as to whether anything else still needs to arrive. I should have taken the time yesterday to wrap the few of them that still require such – most of the gifts I’m giving that aren’t simply cards come in their own gift bags, so I don’t have to even do that much at this point.

But for some reason, once Kris was done cleaning the house yesterday, and Daniel and I had taken her out for a Christmas lunch of sorts (her family isn’t into Asian food, apparently, so she welcomes the chance to try something new with us. Can’t say Vietnamese tops our list, to be sure, but it was an interesting experience), neither of us could muster up the energy or motivation to actually do anything about our seasonal responsibilities. At least Daniel doesn’t have many to begin with, so he can be forgiven for shirking what little he has, since it would hardly make any difference.

Still, even if it would have, that’s rather on me, isn’t it? The first law of motion – in this case, the lack of motion, or inertia – states that an object will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external force. If I wanted him to get stuff done, I could give him a nudge in that direction, and more often than not, he will act accordingly. But it’s my responsibility to apply that force to him; what happens when I’m not in the mood to move? There is no external force working on me, and as a result, it doesn’t get done.

And that’s where I am this morning, and to some extent have been throughout the lead up to the Christmas holiday. There’s been a bare minimum I’ve managed to take care of along the way, but this is cutting things way too close – and there’s not going to be time for me to do anything about them at this point, what with working the Christmas Eve service (which involves getting to the church before ten in the morning, and managing the slides until six; the full eight hour day I never put in at the ‘office’ anymore) and doing the preparations for tomorrow’s breakfast. I should have taken care of this by now, but well… here I am.

Inertia has set in, and without some external push, I don’t know how to get myself started. Oddly enough, I can get myself to the gym first thing in the morning – yes, even on Christmas Eve – but I can’t bring myself to wrap presents, for whatever reason. I even forgot to bring the family’s Christmas cards with me to the booth today, so I could sign and label them during whatever downtime I might have between services. Just as well, I suppose, as I’m still trying to fill you in on everything that’s going on – even though it’s a lot less than it ought to be.

There are moments in which I wonder if I’m coming down with seasonal affective disorder; the lethargy induced by the darkness is certainly no motivator, that’s for sure. But it’s probably not something you “come down with,” like it was a cold or something; you either have it or you don’t. Still, it would be nice to have an explanation – or would it be more of an excuse? – for this situation. But with this deadline inexorably bearing down on me, there’s no room for excuses as this point; I just need to get stuff done, and whether I want to do them or not is no longer (as if it ever was to begin with) part of the equation.

So with that having been said – and the limited time I have over the rest of the day – I should probably let you go, honey, with the usual request to keep an eye on me and to wish me luck. More than most days, I’m going to need it.