Ocular Rift

Dearest Rachel –

Since your passing, you’d probably be amazed about how often I’ve checked in with one health care professional or another, considering how little I chose to do so back in the day. I mean, sure, I canceled that appointment with the dietitian that was scheduled the week after your accident, but I went through with my colonoscopy that you’d persuaded me to sign up for, and while it’s been nearly a year and a half since I’ve gone in to see my primary care physician (since I don’t need his blessing for a refill of lisinopril anymore, and I wasn’t impressed by his glowing praise for the retired head of the NIH who’d essentially locked the country down for what turned out to be no reason – and don’t get Daniel started on the vaccines, let alone the mandates), I’ve had one check up or another on a regular basis ever since. Part of it probably has to do with the aches and pains of growing older; part of it may be at the urging of Lars as he’s been shepherding me through this whole weight loss journey (albeit more as a friend than a doctor, but it’s not as if you can quite get the doctor out of him), but it’s weird to see how I’ve conceded the need for the occasional checkup.

I wonder what Mohinder would say about this. Not that I’d be so foolish as to seek him out for his opinion; and in any event, as long as he wasn’t trying to get his team to have perfect attendance in terms of company physicals, I suspect it wouldn’t matter to him in the slightest. Say what you will for him, but he had a talent for catching flies with vinegar, and being insistent that honey was a stupid method to use for the task. It’s one of the reasons I tried to fly away from the place as soon as I could, although I hardly need to remind you of that.

In any event, yesterday’s checkup was a regularly scheduled one for my eyes; I think this is my third annual trip to get them checked out. For once, though, I’ve actually been aware of the fact that my eyes have been out of focus, at least as far as my prescription goes. Or maybe it’s the way I’ve been using them. You see, ever since getting things set up in the bedroom with that massive television on your old dresser, I’ve been using it as a monitor to watch this or that (and do some work now and again, although I’m much more prone to get distracted at home than at the ‘office,’ despite otherwise having a similar setup in terms of tech). Over time, I’ve noticed that, when I try to read something on the screen, the text looks fuzzier in my right eye as opposed to my left – which is weird, since it’s my left eye that’s the weaker of the two (although, to compensate for that, I obviously have a stronger prescription for my left lens). Now, some of this might have to do with the fact that the screen and my seat are a little off center from each other, but it’s not as if I could put the one in front of the other, so this angled view is something I’ll have to live with. In any event, it’s interesting to note that I actually can tell that I need a new prescription, and was looking somewhat forward to being able to get it (although not so much that I was relishing what it would cost; at this point, I’ll consider myself as having gotten off easily if it comes in under four figures. Granted, my last pair didn’t cost that much, but with inflation as it’s been, I’m really not eager to find out what they cost now…)

I wasn’t, however, looking forward to the eye drop portion of the examination. I can’t recall getting so many in any previous visit – three different substances in each eye. To be sure, the tech insisted that I would be grateful for the first set of drops – supposedly a numbing agent – because the third set in particular “would really burn if [he] didn’t,” and I suppose I ought to be, as I didn’t feel more than the squeamish discomfort of another set of eye drops with that third administration; still, not having a baseline to compare it to, I’m not sure I’m all that grateful for the experience. In any event, for the next hour or so after leaving the doctors’ office, I felt as if I was looking at the world through smudged lenses – only it wasn’t my glasses that were smudged, but my eyes themselves. It was more of a nuisance than anything else, but it was disconcerting, wondering if and when my view was going to clear up.

Still, I now have a new prescription (which I still need to drive to Buffalo Grove in order to have my optician fill), and proof regarding the situation I’ve been able to notice by trying to read the bedroom screen now and then. Only it wasn’t entirely a result I was expecting; my right eye is losing a certain amount of strength, yes, but it appears that my left eye is getting marginally stronger. In other words, the rift between my two eyes, in terms of their individual focuses (focii?), is starting to diminish. I doubt it will ever get to the point where they’re equally myopic, but they’re actually getting more similar over time.

Of course, one other similarity was mentioned to me, although with the caveat that it’s something that literally happens to everyone over time, and the need to deal with it is – relatively speaking – a ways off yet, but it seems I’m also developing the slightest bit of a cataract in both eyes, which will mean having to subject myself to surgery at some point in the future. Given that I’ve had ophthalmologists acknowledge that even contact lenses are not for me, I can’t imagine how I’ll be able to cope with having surgery on either of my eyes. The doctor assured me that there would be no blood, and I’d be in a ‘twilight’ state throughout the procedure, but it still isn’t something to look forward to.

Then again, by then, I may also be past my traveling days, and since VR technology isn’t particularly compatible with my glasses at this point, it might be nice to have them brought to a point where – like Dad these days – I wouldn’t need the specs, and I could just wear the headset and take myself to places I could no longer physically go. Yes, I get that it’s a strained way to reference the hardware referred to by this letter’s title, but I’d been thinking about it since I started to write you, and how I’d rather hoped to have a setup at one point while considering a presence on YouTube. Of course, by the time I’m able to do this, the Oculus Rift will have long since been superseded, and everyone will have one, so what I might experience would hardly be of interest to anyone to watch. But it would be nice to walk here and there, in places I could never get to (or at least, never get to again). Maybe I’ll tell you about it, when it happens.

Until then, though, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck, as I’m sure I’m going to need it.