To Hear Your Opinion

Dearest Rachel –

Look, I do try my best to not talk about politics (or current events in general) when I write you – and when I do, I try (and probably fail) to appear somewhat neutral in what I speak of. I’ve learned, for instance, to avoid dropping the names of the players involved in whatever scenario I’m discussing; those reading over your shoulder in the moment should likely grasp who I’m talking about, but if these words survive to be read by a future generation, they don’t necessarily need to know. Let them guess; and if they get them mixed up, that would simply prove the point that I used to make prior to the lockdowns that the members of one party are virtually indistinguishable from those of the other.

I don’t think that’s as likely to happen anymore, though. Things have changed in the past four years, and while I wouldn’t necessarily wish you had to endure them any more than I’ve had to, at least the two of us could have made the experience infinitely more tolerable. Very few people could answer Reagan’s old campaign question “Are you better off than you were four years ago?” in the affirmative right now – including myself. However, for all the things that have happened during this administration, the one that caused me the greatest pain – that of your departure – cannot be pinned on the administration; nor can voting one guy out bring you back. So the point of the question is lost on me.

That being said, it is something I miss about not having you by my side; the ability to discuss these sorts of things, regardless of whether we agree on them or not. Daniel’s opinions tend to come from his own bubble; he may claim to listen to people on both sides, but the fact that he’s dismissed those from the other side as paid shills or the like suggests that he’s stretching the meaning of the word ‘listening’ to the breaking point. His positions are such that it’s even uncomfortable to start such a discussion when we’re over at the folks’ for dinner, like tonight; I used to enjoy a little gentle sparring between Dad and myself, but Daniel’s two cents seem to be coming from a very odd place, and I can’t reign him in once he gets started.

Because of this, it’s become topic non grata, not only at the family dinner table, but between the boys (Logan’s opinions are almost diametrically opposite of ours on a number of subjects, which seems particularly strange in regard to the last year that the Jewish nation has had to endure) as well as the gang at large. Ellen, in particular, will shut down anything that even vaguely hints at a political issue, which puts everyday situations such as the increases in prices on everything off the table. It’s uncomfortable, having to worry about what topics will set people off.

I never had to worry about that with you, honey. Sure, we didn’t always agree on this topic or that, but we rarely disagreed vigorously. Even when we did, we could keep it civil – I respected the fact that you had different perspectives on certain subjects, based on who you were and where you came from – and could even occasionally convince the other of the correctness of our positions. I miss being able to do that anymore.

Particularly since, less than a week ago, one of your favorite celebrities had one of the candidates on television (I won’t say “on her show” as such, since she retired from having a show some time even before you had to leave, if I remember correctly – sorry, I didn’t really keep up with her), discussing platform items and plans for the new administration. Unlike this letter, there was little attempt being made to straddle the line of objectivity; this was meant as boosterism for this particular candidate, rather than a straight-up interview. To be honest, I wasn’t actually aware of this virtual infomercial until after the fact, but when I did hear about it, I wished you had been around to see it, if only so I could hear your opinion about it from you directly.

To be sure, while you watched her show on a regular basis (and taped episodes quite often for future reference – not that you necessarily ever watched the tapes, that I know of), you weren’t some mindless follower of her and the things she did and said. You wouldn’t do or believe something just because it came from her lips (although I’ve found at least one page of left-behind notes that expressed gratitude for having at least attempted to follow one of her recommendations, even if you thought it somewhat ‘silly’ all the same). At one point, you questioned her spiritual outlook, and attempted to write her a letter explaining your position on a perspective she seemed to be confused about. You weren’t some sort of mindless minion of hers or anything.

And with that being said, I wish I could hear from you what your opinion on this telecast would have been. Would you have been persuaded that this candidate was, in fact everything as advertised? Or would you have been disappointed in your one-time hero and parasocial mentor for supporting someone you could not, in good conscience? The fact that I can’t talk about this with you, while a small thing in terms of all that I’ve lost with your absence, is surprisingly painful.

There are many things I miss about your not being here anymore, honey; this particular topic seems relatively strange to find on that list, but here we are. I can guess as to whether you’d be in agreement with Oprah and her guest, but a simple ‘aye’ or ‘nay’ barely scratches the surface; you would have had so much more to say on the subject, and while I could guess the ‘aye’ or ‘nay,’ that vast amount of explanation beyond that is beyond me. You weren’t always predictable in those terms, honey, and it’s one of those things I never thought I’d find myself missing so strongly, but there’s no two ways about it; I wish I could hear your opinion once again, even on a topic that, in the long run (which you understand now so much better than I can), doesn’t really matter.

But of course, there’s little more to be said about it other than that. For now, all I can ask is that you continue to keep an eye on me, and wish me luck, as I’ll certainly need it.