Dearest Rachel –
The morning I woke up to was gray and dark; apart from the fact that a sufficient amount of time had passed that I was ready to get up (indeed, at nearly half past six, it was already later than usual for me), I could have easily slept in quite a bit longer. I didn’t even feel the obligation to make my morning trek to the fitness center, as I’d been over there yesterday afternoon. A good thing, too, as I listened to the rain beating on the roof of the bedroom; I really didn’t feel like going outside in this, and now I had one more reason not to. Sure, I weighed in above my current milestone that I’ve been dancing around for the past three or four weeks, but considering that I woke up just above what I considered to be my new ceiling just yesterday (and proceeded to bring it down by six pounds over the course of the next twelve hours), this wasn’t anything to be concerned about.
In short, today is shaping up to be something of a ‘nothing’ kind of day, and I think I’m looking forward to it. It’s what I need right now, to be honest – and I suspect a lot of people could benefit from, I’d wager.
To be sure, scrolling through my news feed – which I still do almost every morning, despite the fact that it’s the last thing I need to have going through my mind as I prepare myself to contact you – would suggest otherwise. To read it, you would think that the world was on fire, and in far too many places, it is. In some places, it’s even literal, as it’s wildfire season out in California again, while from a slightly more metaphorical angle, we’re still dealing with “wars and rumors of wars” in what seem to be every corner of the world. That latter issue is starting to set dollar bills and stock certificates alight in places like Tokyo, Seoul and Wall Street; I’ll have to make a particular point of not checking my portfolio today, as there’s really no point in stampeding for the exits like so many appear to be doing. Where do these people think they’re going to put their money even if they get it out in time? No sense in getting trampled.
It’s still dark, relatively speaking, several hours into the day, but if I wait until the sun peeks out from behind the clouds to start my day, this day might not get started at all. Yes, I’m told that today is only going to be “partly cloudy” (there is no meteorological term “partly sunny”; that’s just a glass-half-full term used by television weathermen for… obvious reasons) and it’s tomorrow that’s going to be the rainy day of the week, but they can tell that to our bedroom roof. It’s going to be a nothing day if I wait for it to pass… and while I know everything, both bad and good, will pass eventually, I need to concern myself with the day at hand, and get it started, whether I’m ready for it or not.
Most people have even less luxury to decide when or whether to get on with the day than I do; I can dawdle for a bit if I so choose – and I can’t thank you enough for that, even as I still wish you could be here to appreciate it as well. It does occur to me that whatever might be burning in the world this morning – and let’s face it, there’s never a day in which nothing is burning across this planet – it’s no longer of any concern to you or any of the others that have crossed over before or after you have. Heaven aside, it’s one of those things that the dead have over the living. But those of us on this side of the veil could well benefit now and again from a day of nothing going on.
I realize that, by trying to enjoy a day of nothing, I may well be acting like that cartoon dog drinking his coffee in the middle of a burning room. The difference is that I realize that things aren’t ‘fine’, but there’s not a whole lot left that I can do, personally, about the situation. My extinguisher has been depleted, and in any event, I’m exhausted from lugging it about. There’s a certain point at which there’s nothing left to do but to get out of the danger zone and watch as everything turns to ash… and nothingness.
Because sometimes, that nothingness is exactly what we need.
Anyway, while I rouse myself to get out, keep an eye on me, honey, and wish me luck; I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 