The Curse

Dearest Rachel –

This may seem strange to bring up so many days later, but it’s not as if thoughts are necessarily time-sensitive – they occur to me when they occur to me – so I’m going to talk about this one now, if that’s okay with you. It’s not as if much happened last night, since I basically fell asleep at about six or seven in the evening, thanks to having woken up before four in the morning, so I have to rely on the thoughts that come to me, as opposed to relating the events of the day to you.

In any event, this past weekend’s lesson at church was on “the unknown god” of Athens, in Acts 17, and the fact that most of us don’t really seem to know our God very well, either. He may have created us in His image, but then we’ve spun around and returned the favor. Everything we believe in, whether scriptural or not, we impute to God as part of His canon, resulting in ‘God-fearing’ people who believe diametrically opposite things, and who consequently worship a diametrically different God from the other. I’m in no position to say who’s right in such disputes, as I could only qualify as a theologian in the loosest sense, insofar as my faith compels me to study Him more, in order to understand how to follow Him better – just like you did for the longest time (and more intensively, I must confess).

Of the various misinterpretations of God we tend to have, the one that stuck out was that of what the lesson referred to as the “vending machine God.” Consider Him like a genie; rub the lamp, make a wish. There’s a transactional nature to this particular deity-worshipper relationship; if I do something for Him, He will reward me with something I want in return. Of course, this falls down in that He has already given us, in terms of salvation, more than we could ever pay Him back for. There is nothing we can do to balance the ledger between us, so He can never be put into a position where He owes us anything, no matter what we might do ‘for’ Him. When He already owns the cattle on a thousand hills, how can we think a few coins in the slot is going to cause Him to cough up the blessing we’ve selected on the menu board?

And yet…

·Obey [Listen to the voice of] the Lord your God so that all these blessings will come and ·stay with [overtake] you… But if you do not ·obey [listen to the voice of] the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands and ·laws [statutes; ordinances; requirements] I am ·giving [commanding] you today, all these curses will come upon you and ·stay [overtake you]

Deuteronomy 28:2, 15, Expanded Bible

For all that we might insist that God is not beholden to us, that our good deeds do not dispose Him to act more kindly to us, and that karma is not a part of our belief system, He has in fact spelled it out explicitly from time to time throughout the scriptures that ‘if you follow Me, I will bless you; if you turn away from Me, I will curse you.’ Even claiming that this is a unique case, between the Lord and His chosen people doesn’t stand up to scrutiny, as it’s a near-universal proverb:

Do not be ·fooled [deceived; mistaken]: You cannot ·cheat [mock; make a fool of] God. People ·harvest only what they plant [reap what they sow]. If they plant ·to satisfy [or in the field of; ^Linto; to] their ·sinful selves [sinful nature; flesh], ·their sinful selves will bring them ruin [^Lthey will reap destruction from the flesh]. But if they plant ·to please [or in the field of; ^Linto; to] the Spirit, they will ·receive [reap; harvest] eternal life from the Spirit.

Galatians 6:7-8, Expanded Bible

While we may have to add “as a general rule” in front of such statements, much as with many of the proverbs, the fact is that it is axiomatic that good results usually come from good behaviors. We expect it because, in many circumstances, it happens as part of a cause-and-effect cycle, ordained either by God Himself, or the nature He set up. To be sure, the problem comes when we expect an effect that has little to do with the behavior we set up in our mind as the cause: “if I do X, God will allow Y to happen,” when there’s little to suggest this to be the case, save for our our desperate imaginations.

But on the subject of desperation…

In the morning you will say, “·I wish [O that] it were evening,” and in the evening you will say, “·I wish [O that] it were morning.”

Deuteronomy 28:67a, Expanded Bible

This is part of the curse that was threatened to the children of Israel in the same chapter mentioned earlier. For my part, I always assumed that was the basic human condition. We’re never satisfied with where (or when) we are; we’re always wanting something more in the future. Even on a day-to-day basis, I can sense this in myself; I find myself looking forward to something in the near future more than I can allow myself to appreciate and take in the moment that I’m in right now. Which is a shame, because there will be (or perhaps there has been) a moment when we reach our peak, and things will never be better than they were at that moment, but we likely won’t recognize it when it’s upon us.

Then again, what would we do if we found ourselves in the perfect moment, and recognized it? We would do our level best to sustain that point indefinitely, and in concluding that we had ‘arrived,’ we would stagnate at that point, and to a certain extent, we would simply hasten our decline from there. In some respect, our dissatisfaction holds a little bit of good in it, as it forces us to at least try and progress. And yet, by acknowledging that I can relate to this situation, I find myself questioning if I’m not in some way under His curse for one reason or another.

This thought isn’t dispelled when I consider another verse that I’ve mentioned to you before…

When a man finds a wife, he finds something good.
It shows that the Lord ·is pleased with [favors] him.

Proverbs 18:22, Expanded Bible

This isn’t so much an indication of being cursed as it is a case of having had a blessing removed; but when you’ve undergone such, how can it not feel like a curse? How is the stripping of a blessing different from the application of an actual curse? As I’ve said before when quoting this verse, the logical conclusion of your departure in this context would suggest that the Lord is no longer pleased with me; and I can’t help but wonder – even as I am forced to accept that I may have not had anything to do with it – what did I do that precipitated that? I can’t help but ask, even as I know that I’ve no more right than Job to demand an answer from God; when what You’ve written to us says something like this, what am I expected to conclude?

Am I being cursed, God? If so, what can I do to lift it? If not, why is there so much here to suggest it? I wish You would tell me, even though I should know better.

All I can ask for now, honey, is that you keep an eye on me, and wish me luck, as I’m going to need it – especially if I’m expecting an answer.