Dearest Rachel –
It occurs to me that you’ll see that title, and assume I’m talking about how I’ve given up traveling downstate to visit your old home (and Twofeathers, who we gave possession of it to in thanks for the care she gave your folks – your mom in particular –in their final years, when they could no longer sufficiently take care of themselves). No longer will I be driving through our old college stomping grounds, enjoying a lovely cheap Italian meal at Avanti’s across the street from our sister university’s campus to the north, located in a town so oddly named (yet often used centuries ago as a descriptor for colleges originally purposed for teaching teachers; it’s why your homestead was built on Normal Street, just a few doors down from the campus your folks taught at).
And while it’s true that I don’t ever expect to get back down there – what’s left for me, specifically? Most of the memories I have of there have to do with you, after all – I didn’t start out today thinking about the places we had together that I no longer have any need, or desire, to visit, see or even think about again.
No, I got up this morning from a bed upon which Kris and I had put a new set of sheets (that I’d picked up in the midst of my buying spree in the run-up to Christmas), and found myself reflecting upon what counts as normal with regard to changes such as this.
As I pulled the new bedding out of the purple bag it came in, all the while explaining to Kris where it had come from, she divined immediately why I was doing so now: “You need my help to swap these out?”
It’s why I pay her the big bucks.
She wasn’t fazed in the slightest, pointing out that she does this on a routine basis for several of her clients. But then, she pulled out this stunner:
“Yeah, I try to change my bedding every week…”
If she said anything more on the subject, I think it slipped past me, as I was trying to process that statement. She changes these things on a weekly basis? I realize I go months without doing so, and while I’m pretty sure it’s not that much different than when you and I were together (or is that giving you too little credit? If so, I’m so sorry) the idea of changing them every week left me gobsmacked. I realize that – by virtue of her profession – Kris could be expected to keep a tidy house, but that has to be an outlier, right?
I was still pondering this question after meeting up with Lars, going on our usual walk and lunch, and following it up with a stop at the convalescent home to visit with the folks at Dad’s bedside. When I related what I’d been told by Kris, Mom agreed that her schedule did seem a little fastidious, but only just: “Oh, I try to change ours out every other week.”
Really? Every other week?
I just assumed I was a little ways over on the other side of the bell curve when it comes to keeping the house clean and up-to-date. Now, I’m having to come to grips with the possibility that I’m (and, by extension, we’d been) the outlier all along. Is it really normal to change things out so frequently as all that?
I guess the good news is that, as a bachelor, and a relatively newly-minted one at that (at least, when compared to my time as a married man, who’s not had to deal directly with such tasks), society affords me a pass on such negligence – “Oh, you don’t know any different, and can’t be expected to.” It’s how I get away with hiring help like Kris in the first place without looking like I’m shirking duties that I should be taking care of myself. But I never envisioned just how far from normal my behavior seems to be.
Or maybe it’s a generational thing; I’m thinking our peer group (such that I’m familiar with, anyway, which admittedly is a small sample size) isn’t nearly so concerned about such maintenance. I probably ought to ask the girls about this, the next time we get together (which, hopefully, won’t be too long from now – but that’s another story for another time, especially since it hasn’t happened yet); is this a realistic thing for me to keep up with? I don’t want to believe it, personally, but after talking to two people on the same day about the subject, I’m beginning to wonder.
For all that this seems to have gotten under my skin, though, I don’t think it’s going to change my habits; at least, not to the extent that I’d be moving at their allegedly “normal” pace when it comes to this. Maybe I’ll swap the bedding out every two or three months, instead of five, but you’re not going to see me doing this every week by any means. I’m not even doing a laundry that regularly, honey, and that, I can see the need for (especially when I get home from the gym).
Okay, well… I think I’ve said my piece for the day, sweetheart. You take care, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 