Seeing The Resemblance

Dearest Rachel –

So, last night, the girls were over for what felt like the first time in a long time. Yes, we’d gotten together just last week – hadn’t we? It somehow feels longer than that – but it’s been ages since we just assembled at the house to eat and watch stuff together like we used to. It almost wasn’t like that even last night; the first suggestion offered as to what to do was a festival going on down at Lake Opeka in Des Plaines. But even in bringing it up, Erin seemed less than enthusiastic about it for… reasons. It took Kerstin, mentioning that she’d had a rather long week working in Beloit to insist that we just have an evening of doing something that was more like nothing for once.

Besides, she seemed to want to get back to that anime series I was trying to foist on the girls (and I have to admit, it’s a good thing that it’s only thirteen episodes long; given how few and far between the opportunities have been for us to do this, it’s likely to take a year or more to go through, even if we watch multiple episodes at a time!) And as it turned out, we’re going through this at the same glacial place – as in three steps forward, two steps back – that I’m dealing with in my weight loss situation; it turned out that, despite being certain that I’d shown everyone the first three episodes the last time we got together like this, Kerstin could only remember the first one she and I had watched together separately.

All of which worked out reasonably well, as I could catch her up on the story while we waited for Erin to show up (and our pizzas finished baking; I’ve learned to get stuff from Lou Malnati’s half-baked, stick them in the over when the first girl arrives, and they’ll be ready once everyone’s here. In this case, they were practically ready by the time our second guest arrived, and we were all but finished eating once Erin made it over. Sometimes, I wonder if ‘half-baked’ doesn’t describe more than just the pizzas, as making plans for our group tends to be a case of flying by the seat of one’s pants… but, no matter).

***

Anyway once the group was assembled – both in real life and onscreen – we found ourselves with an episode focusing on the character being left behind. I would say we were ‘introduced to’ her, but as she’s been sharing scenes with the first of the four main protagonists since the beginning of the series, that’s not entirely appropriate. She’s been the responsible foil to the flighty Kimari since virtually the first scene, but since the story is about chasing after one’s dreams, it was inevitable that she would be relegated to second-tier status within the narrative – and she’s aware of it, and hates it.

Her name, by the way, is Megumi…

…and yes, the girls picked up on that almost right away, despite having trouble with remembering any of the other characters’ name. But ironically, she’s exactly what I wouldn’t be looking for in ‘Megumi,’ myself. I want someone who’s willing to chase dreams – either following me through mine, or suggesting some of hers for the two of us to pursue. I spend – and have spent – enough of my life with both feet on the ground to want to spend the rest of my life like that. And I need to acknowledge that we were on the verge of doing just that before everything came crashing down; this is not to say you weren’t that girl, you and I just didn’t have the opportunity to be that couple.

Be that as it may, she uses her ‘sensible’ persona to try to dissuade her friend Kimari from following this madcap scheme of Shirase’s to join the civilian expedition to Antarctica in order to retrace her mother’s footsteps. When that doesn’t work, and the pieces start coming into place (along with several fellow travelers), Megumi realizes she’s about to lose Kimari to, not only this wild dream, but to this group of other, more like-minded new friends, and begins to step up her game. Her voice of restraint is set aside, and she resorts to outright sabotage; including informing Kimari’s mother (who, in fairness, Kimari should have talked to sooner about getting permission to make this trip – although when that would be necessary could be debated; why ask when the plans were still nebulous and up in the air?) and starting rumors about what the girls might have done in order to obtain funding for the trip (although no one speaks of the rumors aside from Megumi, so whether they were actually spread as far and wide as she claims could also be debated).

But for all of this, Kimari remains oblivious to Megumi’s sudden antagonism, perhaps too enthusiastic about what’s going on in her life to notice how her old friend is actually feeling. She still sees ‘Megu-chan’ as the supportive rock in the relationship, going so far as to thank her for being there for her, and invite her to hang out with the majority of the crew on the night before they are to leave for Toyko and points beyond.

This oblivious gratitude ultimately gets to Megumi, and as Kimari leaves her house the next morning, she confronts her, asking to be let out of the relationship entirely. She is not worthy of Kimari’s friendship, she claims, because of what she’s done to try to keep her around and by her side. She has clung so tightly to her role as the stabilizing force in Kimari’s life that she feels she has lost her identity as Kimari has drifted away; but because of what she has done to stave this off, it she who needs to walk away from the relationship, because of the damage it has done to her soul. She is not worthy, in her mind, to remain Kimari’s friend.

And bless her heart, Kimari will have none of it. None of what Megumi did – or claimed to have done – has, at this point, prevented her and the others from accomplishing this goal, and with that, bears no ill will toward her friend. Indeed, she outright refuses to accept her offer to ‘break up’. Oh, she’s still leaving for Antarctica, but she expects to be with – and be friends with – Megumi when she returns, despite her friend’s tearful penitence.

You would have liked Kimari, honey; you would have recognized a lot of yourself in her. The messy room, the procrastination, the reasonable but not quite perfect student… the empathy, the readiness to embrace and accept, the eagerness to go and do this or that. I hadn’t meant to dwell so much on the actual show, but as I kept going, I realized how much like her you were. Much as I feel like I’d like to find someone more like Hinata (who I realize I haven’t talked about much, but I’m sure we’ll get to her story eventually), I’m becoming more and more aware how much you resembled the ‘main’ character (even though she’s effectively just one of an ensemble, and not the real main character – if there even is one), and perhaps one more reason why this story resonated with me so.

I wonder if the girls have noticed the resemblance. Probably not, as it hadn’t even struck me last night, but only as I’ve been putting this letter together.

***

At the same time, I’ve been trying to push this show on the girls in hopes of getting them to see a resemblance between themselves and the desire to get out there and travel. As I’ve said before, I really would rather not do so on my own; if I could inspire any of them to want to do so (not necessarily to Antarctica, mind you, but anywhere), I’d like to do another one of those trips like the one we took Ellen on, back… wow, has it been sixteen years since then?

But of course, there is the fact that, at this point in our lives, we’re generally short on time, in particular. Trying to arrange something like that simply doesn’t fit into their schedules – and at least Erin is already doing the whole travel thing with her own folks later this year, so it would seem that any wanderlust she might have will be satisfied for a while within the near future. She actually suggested that I look to travel with some of the guys in the men’s group instead, and I don’t know how to react to that. On the one hand, that would cover the fellowship and bonhomie that I might seek. On the other, well… I’m not sure how to explain it, or if I’m willing to admit it to myself.

Maybe I’ll have a better handle on things once I’m off on my next trip. Until then, though, keep an eye on me, honey, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.