A Few More Drops Into the Deeps

Dearest Rachel –

I’m sure you’d heard the phrases ‘dark web’ and ‘deep web’ from time to time before your departure; after all, you had majored in the computer sciences and we as a family tended to be more online than most people I know. Equally likely, you’d probably heard tell that those two concepts, while virtually inaccessible to the general public through typical means (such as through various web browsers and the like), made up the vast bulk of the internet’s content, not unlike an iceberg with its true bulk hidden beneath the surface. It gives the online world a certain sinister quality that can be either alluring or frightening, depending on one’s point of view.

I think that the sinister connotations given to these concepts is mostly due to the fact that they have been confused and conflated in the public consciousness. When either of these terms are brought up, one’s thoughts run to sites that serve as the ultimate virtual black market, places where anything and everything is trafficked, be it weaponry, drugs, or sex-for-hire. Oddly enough, this image makes what I expect to be its main stock-in-trade sound rather innocuous: information. And before you point out that the whole of the internet is based on sending information to every corner of the world, we’re talking about specific, important information: identifications, social security numbers, credit cards, that sort of thing. All very legal… and all the province of the dark web.

The deep web, by contrast, is meant to be just as inaccessible to the general public, but for almost the opposite reason as the dark web. Whereas the dark web is the way it is to conceal surreptitious, nefarious activity of one form or another, the deep web, as a rule, is specifically designed to be used by one person and one person only, in order to keep that person’s information secure. And not because they’re doing anything wrong; on the contrary, this is a protective measure, as these are pages for transacting business, business which often requires the exchange of that same sensitive information that its dark counterpart would love to get its grubby little tendrils on. Anyone who spends time – and more specifically, money – on the internet has dipped their toes into the deep web, but as its intended user. Check-out screens, banking screens – they’re all a part of that ecosystem, and you’re being guided through by the bank, the vendor, or the cloud service provider like a tourist scuba-diving through the recesses of the deep web, for the mutual benefit of yourself and them.

The reason behind the statistic about how the deep and dark webs make up the bulk of the internet can be attributed to the nature of the deep web and its purpose. In order to make every transaction secure (among other things), each one generates its own web page, unique not only to the user, but to the transaction itself. You can see how this would add up, even over a fairly short amount of time, taking into account that these pages are ephemeral and disposable. So, the deep web is littered with one-time-use addresses that are locked forever to the outside world – unless someone from the dark web attempts to break in and steal the information contained on them. And so the two concepts are intertwined, but opposed rather than an extension of one another; a digital yin and yang in constant struggle to either keep information private (which the crooks of the dark web seek to do about their own identities, by the way) or to break in and find out this same information for their own purposes.

By now, you’re probably curious as to why on earth I’m even rabbiting on about these concepts, and what does it matter about them. Even if you concluded that I’m likely to be talking about my experiences swimming through the deep web (and if you did, gold star for you!), you might be wondering what, if anything that has to do with you. Well, I’ll tell you…

I’ve already mentioned a couple of times about my search through old videotapes for footage of us (as opposed to this or that television show that you or I used to collect – heck, I’ve just recently found episodes of World’s Dumbest back on YouTube, and discovered that yup, watching it alone in the bedroom is every bit as unfulfilling and unamusing as I expected it to be), but in the process of pulling out one box of media or another, I’m finding that many more photographs in the process, as well.

All of which is well and good, particularly since the scanned photos are stored in a cloud drive that most of my other computers are equally able to access and review. I’m also uploading them to my Amazon Photos cloud space, as well.

But here’s the thing; you might have guessed that most of these pictures aren’t mine – indeed, I’m seeing these for the first time just now – and I don’t really know the circumstances and timing behind many of them. Yes, many of them have notes from either your mom or dad, and some of them…

…are pretty obvious when they’re from – I can literally look up online about when the 1992 IWU commencement ceremonies were held, in this case. On the other hand, though, the internet seems to have no idea when Homecoming or other formal dances took place, so I’m at a bit of a loss here:

Then there are vacations that are hard for me to place. In particular, Middle Bass photos are especially tricky, as that trip happened literally every year of your life.

You talked about having cruised on the Song of America and the S.S. Universe once upon a time, but I can’t remember when any of these trips were, since I wasn’t there. And with your passing, there’s no one I can ask about to confirm any of the details. The best I can do, especially in cases where nothing is written on the back of the picture, is to guess the date in comparison to that listed on the package in which the photos came; obviously, the pictures would be from before that date, but not much before, as your folks seemed to be quite meticulous about getting their rolls off to the pharmacy to have them developed.

There are some cases where there are other people I can talk to about it, such as Ellen…

…and here’s where all my talk about the ‘deep web’ comes into play. It’s not like she can access these pictures the way I can, and call out which ones are misfiled in terms of time (assuming she even can – compared to mine, her memory of you is incredible, but after thirty-plus years, even it has its limits), and make the necessary adjustments. It’s just not accessible to her, and I don’t know if I should even go so far as to alter that situation – assuming I can even figure out how.

So for now, as I let this data trickle, picture by picture, into the deep web, I wonder if it’s all not just going to get lost amid the vast ocean that it encompasses. I wonder if I’m not just sort of wasting my time to even bother; certainly, I wouldn’t be doing this if you were still around (because I would have the real you here with me; what would I need or want some mere photographic image for?) But I suppose, now that my supply of present reality has long since run out, I’ve little choice for it but to wade in and add my own (or rather, your) drops of tint to the deeps.

In which case, keep an eye on me as I proceed with this, honey, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.