Dearest Rachel –
Were it not for the fact that I assume that the afterlife you’re experiencing is pleasant beyond expression or comprehension, I could easily imagine a rueful chuckle escaping from your lips every time I write to you about my plans for the future. There’s nothing like having an eternal perspective like yours to render my thoughts and plans for the future ever so slightly ridiculous.
Don’t brag about tomorrow;
Proverbs 27:1, Expanded Bible
you don’t know what ·may happen then [L the day may bear/ bring forth].
I find myself staring at this verse every month, just a few days after the chapters remind me that another month has passed since you did. It sometimes seems like a disincentive toward making any sort of plan for the future, no matter how near or far it may be. And that’s to say nothing of the fact that I will occasionally tell you about things I expect to have happen – even if I’m only talking about something to take place in the next few hours.
***
In fairness, yesterday (just to give an example) happened pretty much the way I described to you in my last letter, although just as I was finishing it, Kerstin texted me to suggest that she might not need me to drive her to pick up her car after all, as one of her sons could do that as well. She also mentioned that she would deposit the check in the bank (rather than have me write out a check to the collision repair place, as they don’t take checks), and see if that would cover her payment. But she relented when I told her that I’d planned to help her out, and could do so sooner than her son would be available.
And a good thing, too, as her bank refused to cash the check due to it having gone stale. This way, I was there to write a replacement out to her, and she could deposit the new one instead (and hang onto the old one as a keepsake). I don’t know where that leaves the others who have yet to do anything with their checks – they can contact me as well, but until then, there’s nothing I can do to help them.
But if they don’t want the ‘help,’ I can’t stop ’em…
***
Anyway, now there’s today… a Friday, the beginning of the weekend. A good time to get together, hang out, and have some fun. So I’ve sent a few texts, and something might just be happening this evening. It might even involve something more than food; I’m feeling the need to do something more than just going out to eat (however necessary I will admit that to be for good fellowship). I’ve floated the idea of some miniature golf, and maybe it can work out. It might depend on Ellen’s preferences, though; since she can’t get anywhere until seven, the rest of us will likely do one or the other (either golf or eat) without her, at which point she can join us.
At least, that’s the plan. I haven’t heard from Ellen about a preference, and Erin has been radio silent (admittedly, she’s likely to be sleeping after getting home from work). It may work out, it may all come crashing down; I’ve no idea, and this is where you might be permitted to laugh at me for telling you about things that ‘will’ happen, when I really have no idea, if I could only admit that to myself.
***
Given how plans for a given day rarely seem to come together the way I expect or want them to, what does that say for the ones that are that much further down the line? Sure, I can travel on my own at any time – theoretically, as there are always responsibilities compelling me to stay here, now more than ever as the school season begins – but even then, there are no guarantees. My folks brought the fires in Lahaina to my attention last week, for example; this was to be one of my first stops next February. I don’t know what this will mean for the shore excursion I’d booked for that port.
Then, there’s the trips that have been tentatively agreed upon by all of us, but we haven’t tried to work out the logistics yet, such as the one to finally see you off. I probably can’t make a reservation with the owners of the cottage until some time late next year at the earliest, for one (although Erin will have to talk with her bosses by next November to get the week of May 11-17 off for this, and presumably, so will the rest of the girls at some point). You might think that, with that much lead time, we could manage to make the appropriate arrangements, but it always seems to be more difficult that you’d expect.
And then, there are places I’d like to go, and things I’d like to do and see, and I’d love to bring them – or at least someone – along for the ride. To try to take on the Rhine yet again (maybe Kerstin would be interested in that – it would be nice to have an interpreter along), hopefully without getting locked up in quarantine this time around; that would be something to look forward to. I’ve recently found myself wondering about the possibility (thanks to our trip earlier this year) of covering all forty-seven prefectures in forty-seven days – or maybe giving myself two whole months, in order to do the trip justice – which might take some serious planning, as it would be a bit more overland than my usual favored cruises, and not a particularly typical trip.
Of course, then there are the tours that might become available with church. I’m going to be missing next year’s trek through Turkey and the seven churches of Revelation (and while I gave Daniel permission to go if he wants to, he seems reluctant to do so without me. I guess that’s fair. Even Israel, which he’s itching to go back and see nearly as much as Japan, wasn’t the same without you; how much more so would a trip like that be for him without me? Still some day, he’ll need to learn, if only because I can’t always be there with him), but one presumes there will be other opportunities in future as well, and I suppose I need to keep my schedule clear for them.
All of this sounds great – why would I be telling you about them, if they didn’t appeal to me? – but I know full well how making plans are one thing, carrying them out is something else entirely
***
Yet for all those disincentives toward making plans, it’s the only way these sorts of things can ever even hope to come about. I can’t just go – well, I can, if I want to do so on my own, I suppose – and expect that I’ll be able to do everything I want to when I get there. I have to have things to do in mind, and I have to have things prepared in order to do those things. Even as I make those plans, though, I have to bear in mind that not everything can come together perfectly; there will have to be some ‘give’ in those plans.
Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, Or what’s a heaven for?
Robert Browning, “Andrea del Sarto”
In other words, I may not be able to seize hold everything within reach, but if I even want some of it, I need to stretch out and reach for it, don’t I?
With that said, honey, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck; I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 