Dating as a Non-Contact Sport

Dearest Rachel –

Dinner and a movie. It’s been a long time since we engaged in that traditional dating pastime – and, by extension, it’s been a long time since I’ve done so, myself (although, one doesn’t do that ‘by oneself,’ almost by definition).

It brings back memories from the days before we were together as a married couple, while we were engaged – you, of course, were still attempting to wrap up your college career and get your degree, while I was basically marking time until then. Krista and I would go to see the latest film of interest, and then – since she had been a theater tech major, and I had taken a class on reviewing drama as my fine arts requirement in my final semester (the professor actually thought I could review productions for the student paper, but since my college career was almost over, I scoffed at the idea, despite being flattered by her recommendation) – we would spend hours (whether over a meal or after it) dissecting the movie from all sort of different angles. The three of us were amused by the thought that other people might consider what Krista and I were doing to be dating, despite the fact that you and I were the ones who were engaged. Since we three understood the arrangement, it didn’t matter that someone else might look askance at it; we knew what was (and more to the point, what was not) going on, and that’s all that mattered.

It also conjures up times when we actually were able to indulge in a “date night” together, especially since those were fewer and farther between than we might have liked, particularly in those first years, when we were raising Daniel. Getting out, when we had an infant or toddler to deal with, could be a challenge, to put it mildly. One that comes to mind in particular was when the church offered a babysitting service one weekend night, and we took advantage of it to go out to a remote cinema that at the time was one of the few places actually showing Mononoke no Hime; those were in the days when we were into anime, but almost no one else was yet, so we had to travel a ways to find the place. I want to say it was near one of the old Carson’s Ribs places, but I don’t think we had the time to go to both dinner and the movie, given the drive time and how we still had to get back to pick Daniel up. Still, it was a great opportunity.

***

Grace returned from visiting her sister (and her niece) on the West Coast last week, and initially suggested meeting for coffee at some point during the week. I admitted that I didn’t know much about coffee shops in the area – and as much as you’d be justified in asking “well, why not just meet at a Starbucks?” I’d prefer to go somewhere with a little more local flavor, if you’ll pardon the expression – I left it up to her to decide where and when to go and do something. Which meant that I didn’t hear anything from her for most of the week she offered to meet during.

But when she did respond, the offer had expanded from a simple chat over coffee to the full course of “dinner and a movie.” And as much as it might be a cliché when it comes to dating ideas, sometimes you just can’t beat the classics, even if they might have certain inherent flaws to them (such as not being able to talk for the first couple of hours, because, you know, movie).

Indeed, her choice of movie had its own set of problems, but it may have, in itself, been why she changed what our second date was going to be. She’d been recommended to see Song of Freedom by someone, and decided to ask if I would go with her (for presumably the same reason I would – going to see a movie by yourself is pointless). Since I’d heard quite a bit about it myself, I was willing to join her, even though I was fully aware that this wasn’t exactly ‘date movie’ fare.

And indeed it wasn’t. It wasn’t quite as harrowing as I expected (or as nightmare-inducing as she seemed to fear), but well-executed and fairly gripping. As action films go, it was no James Bond flick, but it wasn’t meant to be. As for those who seem bound and determined to suppress it, for whatever reason, I couldn’t see why; no one denies that human (and specifically, child) trafficking exists and persists to this day, and even if one might accuse those with wealth and power of aiding and abetting the criminal enterprise, why should that surprise anyone? When something is illegal, that drives up the price to astronomical proportions; only the rich and powerful would be able to afford to indulge in such activities. Do the haters feel that they are being pointed at with a film like this? If they were innocent of such misdeeds, it shouldn’t concern them. As it is, they seem to have created yet another case of the Streisand Effect.

Anyway, it was an impressive effort, given its budget (and the fact that the film had been sat upon for five years before being able to be released), but it’s definitely not the sort of story that gets one ‘in the mood,’ if you will. Even after a lovely dinner at a nearby (as in literally across the street) Korean BBQ, and a stroll around the neighborhood to walk off a few of the calories the two of us happily consumed (it had been all-you-can-eat, which proved challenging for both of us to exercise restraint), by the time we were about to part, I didn’t know how. I suspect that Grace might have actually recoiled at any physical expression of affection – and while we shook hands at the end of our first meeting, even that didn’t feel appropriate this time around – so once we had walked to her car, I acknowledged the situation, gave her a wave, and sent her on her way.

It seems I have a knack for turning the dating game, at least with this woman, into a non-contact sport.

***

To be sure, it’s more than just the effects of the movie, although I will admit, it didn’t exactly help matters any. She’s not sure either whether this whole ‘finding a man’ thing is what she wants for herself, or if so, whether I’m that man, or if any of it is God’s will. And I don’t know what to tell her. Thus far, our times have been pleasant enough, we’ve been able to speak freely with each other (more or less – there are some things I haven’t talked to her about, for one obvious reason or another); if things haven’t ‘clicked,’ there haven’t been any red flags, either. I think we’re just both unsure of what we truly want or need, and don’t want to overplay our hands if we’re not sure this is supposed to be. Would that His voice would boom down from heaven to say “yes” or “no” to each of us, so we could know whether this is going somewhere, or if we’re just wasting our time.

But until we hear from Him, keep an eye on each of us, honey, and wish us luck – and perhaps a bit of discernment. We’re definitely going to need it.