from Rachel: Baby’s First Year Calendar

Dearest Rachel –

Thirty years ago this evening, I came home to find you standing in the tub, mildly perplexed, with water running down your leg. Unlike your mom, you hadn’t had some sort of catastrophic breaking of your water; indeed, it was so minimal that you assumed it was no more than a premature leak (especially since, based on what you were convinced was the conception date, Daniel shouldn’t be ready to make his appearance before the beginning of July). However, when we contacted your OB/GYN, he instructed us that no, this was not a drill, and we were to get over to the hospital immediately, and he would be along eventually.

I wonder if we were the first couple in the hospital’s history to walk to their child’s delivery. You saw no point in bothering to get the car, as our condo was right across the street from the hospital; it would be almost as many steps to the garage where our car was kept as it would be to just make our way there on foot, after all. Besides, we knew the labor would take some time – although not nearly as much as your OB/GYN figured.

Anyway, in honor of Daniel’s thirtieth birthday, here are the notes you wrote about his first year, and the progress he made during that year…

***

June 28, 1993 – “One week old”

August 7, 1993 – “Middle Bass Island trip – left at 2:00 am and drove straight to dock.”

August 10, 1993 – “Daniel likes his pacifier and keeps it in his mouth for short periods.”

August 11, 1993 – “Daniel doesn’t smile yet; Grandpa calls him ‘the Judge.’”

August 14, 1993 – “Party at Wendy and Danielle’s for Dave (going to grad school); Nancy & Caitlin Olson visit.”

August 15, 1993 – “Went to doctor’s for shot before skating to Valli and Jewel; weighed in with light clothes at 13 pounds, 13 ounces.”

August 30, 1993 – “Bad thunderstorm – TV pops and diaper bag across room begins playing [music]; Duane’s house is hit and ‘White Fang’ gets in wreck.”

August 31, 1993 – “I offer my services for free Thursday in sympathy for Duane and so Ellen can leave with at noon Friday for Fort Wilderness.”

September 2, 2023 – “Work all day and into night on newsletters with help from steering committee – get restaurant checks as payment.”

September 3, 2023 – “Daniel stays with Grandma and Grandpa Larson while Mommy and Daddy go on singles’ retreat with Ellen and Sunday School class.”

September 4, 2023 – “Mommy expresses into cups and once in bushes while Daniel drinks 17 stored bottles (all saved since birth).”

September 6, 2023 – “We return just before milk supply is exhausted.”

September 9, 2023 – “work” “(Uncle Dave’s birthday party at Jeff’s) James visits for a night”

September 10, 2023 – “James leaves and Daniel and I go to Signs Today” “Hang time at Bill C’s”

September 11, 2023 – “Road Rally (2nd place)”

September 12, 2023 – “Our 1st anniversary (paper – Dreamcoat tickets); Muffin’s shower – Daniel passed from person to person until he gets fussy. After Dad and Mom too full to go out to dinner, so [we went to see] Men in Tights at Des Plaines Theatre instead”

September 13, 2023 – “Mom and Daniel go to Bloomingdale to get Dad a new car tape deck.”

September 14, 2023 – “Daniel at grandparents’ house again so folks can go to Le Titi de Paris.” [late anniversary celebration]

September 15, 2023 – “Finished bedtime feeding at 10:50. Daniel wasn’t sleepy, so he swung until 11:30 while we watched M*A*S*H – out cold, put in bed.”

September 16, 2023 – “Mom gets up at 5 or 6 – no baby crying, so squeezes some for later. Wakes again at 7:23 to waking baby and first BSF of the year.”

September 19, 2023 – “Potluck at Lenore’s [at] 3:00 – Daniel begins to make raspberries of his own, just like his mom and dad have been doing to soothe him.”

September 21, 2023 – Three months old – visit to doctor – “15 pounds, 12 ounces.”

September 23, 2023 – Special visit – to Macomb

September 30, 2023 – “Visited farmers’ market (first curled his tongue, and, when encouraged, did so again deliberately), Family Eyewear and Alice Swain.”

October 1, 1993 – “Pixie pictures at Penney’s, just like Mommy (but without mess)”

October 22, 1993 – Visit to doctor (with Sally Taylor) – “25¾ inches, 16 pounds” “dinner at Original Pancake House, study at Parkers’, and Zion Christian Coffeehouse”

October 25, 1993 – “26th actually, and for both sets of grandparents – eats solid food – rice cereal”

October 26, 1993 – “Grandma and Grandpa Sanders visited for lunch and in evening Daniel stayed with Grandma Larson and Aunt Jen while Mom and Dad and Ellen went to Knickers and The Nightmare Before Christmas”

November 1, 1993 – “Daniel begins oatmeal and seems to prefer it, probably because it is harder for Mom to accidentally make it too thin.”

November 8, 1993 – “Daniel begins barley.”

November 13, 1993 – Laughs at “Ellen H.; finds her extremely amusing; laughs and laughs and laughs.”

November 21, 1993 – Five months; “Dedication” [at church]; finds toes at “about 10 pm”

November 25, 1993 – Thanksgiving holiday; “Daniel starts applesauce (with some pretty funny expressions of ‘Eew!’ All grandparents together.”

November 26, 1993 – “Down to Macomb, but first, Daniel starts bananas.”

November 30, 1993 – “Daniel grabs very well, especially with his left hand. One must watch one’s plate if he is on her lap, as Ellen found out tonight. Once he gets a grip on the edge of it, or on hair or glasses it’s hard to pry him loose. Later this night, his right hand grasped a bra pad in nursing, and he absently waved it back and forth like a flag.”

December 6, 1993 – “On his 24-week birthday, Daniel rolls from back to side!” “(Update: as of February 8, 1994 he shows no evidence of doing any more than that; in fact, he seldom does that anymore.)”

December 18, 1993 – “‘Bethlehem Star’ keeps parents busy, so Daniel spends the morning with the Larsons and goes home with them after family reunion. Gets over-tired and then keeps them up until 2 am. (After [the performance], parents go to singles group Christmas party at Danielle and Wendy’s)”

December 20, 1993 – “Grandma and Grandpa Sanders come up for a Christmas celebration in the evening.”

December 21, 1993 – Six months; visit to doctor; “23¾ inches, 20 pounds”

December 22, 1993 – “Christmas with Sally”

December 23, 1993 – “Krista P. visits.”

December 24, 1993 – “We stay over at the folks and Daniel has trouble sleeping again (wakes at 1, awake until 2)”

January 11, 1994 – Sits alone

January 17, 1994 – “Daniel is suddenly sitting for much longer periods of time, i.e., a couple days before, it was still 1-3 minutes, then he would fold forward and sprawl to [his] tummy or just topple backward. Now he can do 5-15 minutes at a time. Also, he is getting better at rolling back so as to not bang his head.”

January 24, 1994 – “This week, Daniel begins strengthening and perfecting his sitting ability while also entertaining himself. He learns to rock forward and back with his legs stuck stiffly in front of himself. He rocks harder and harder until he almost falls over, then he gets a worried look, struggles to right himself, and begins again. When he isn’t tired, he probably goes at least fifteen minutes at a stretch. It seems like hours to me. He’s so happy right now, watching the world while upright and unaided.”

January 25, 1994 – “Daniel wakens at 3 am, perhaps because of teeth” (see February 1)

January 27, 1994 – “Jean DeVito comments on approaching teeth.” “Icey, sleety day with power failure from 2 pm to 2 am.”

January 28, 1994 – “Daniel’s first emergency: Daddy dislocated his elbow and he and Mommy visit ER after he uses one right arm and leaves left hanging limp.” “Dinner at Charlie and Mary Kay’s”

January 29, 1994 – “Daniel stays with Grandma and Grandpa Larson while ‘singles’ go to ‘Skate on State.’” “Cornerstone Spaghetti Dinner”

January 30, 1994 – “Superbowl party at Taylors (S&S)”

January 31, 1994 – “Mommy notices two teeth are visible just below the surface of the gum. Ellen checks in evening, probably confirming; no points through yet.”

February 1, 1994 – First teeth – “After Daniel slept in past 8, Mommy found both bottom front teeth had broken through during the night. So far no visible signs of pain or even discomfort.”

February 5, 1994 – “Daniel almost sleeps ’til 9. Person from NTA comes; Daniel is qualified, but Mom and Dad don’t feel up to $435.”

February 14, 1994 – “Daniel’s babbling almost has sentence structure, and tonight it sounded like he said to me ‘I dig ya.’”

February 15, 1994 – “This morning in bed while waking and thrashing, he grabbed a handlful of breast and babbled what sounded like ‘Hey, Toots!’ Later seemed to whisper ‘Toy.’”

Schedule: “Generally around mealtimes and bedtime, but lately he’s been sleeping in, so the second feeding is often around 2 or even 3 and dinner and bedtime sort of merge sometimes (12/1/93)”

Solid foods added: “rice 10/26, oatmeal 11/1, barley 11/8, apples 11/18, bananas 11/26. I probably should do early morning and early evening, but I often don’t feel like getting right up in the morning, so we often go back to bed for his breakfast. He eats cereal in early afternoon, and at bedtime at present (12/1)”

Likes and dislikes: “likes his cereal on the thick side, but not pasty; didn’t like applesauce at first, but has grown to; lately we mix the fruit and the cereal (12/1/93); 5/16/94 – Mostly, Daniel likes everything so long as it is fed to him quickly enough. When we started meats, he didn’t like the texture, and to Rady’s disbelief, preferred his creamed spinach to his beef. Still, now I don’t see much preference, except maybe to cheese, either American or cheddar.”

March 6, 1994 – “Daniel smiles at Grandpa Larson 5-10 feet away through a crowd at church. Proof of recognition and good eyesight (for now, at least) Daniel also waves for the first time, although not to anyone, really.”

March 18, 1994 – Special visit “to Grandma and Grandpa’s”

March 20, 1994 – “Daniel gets whole milk in his cereal and Mommy won’t have to squeeze hers into it anymore.” “Daddy goes home.”

March 21, 1994 – Nine months; Rolls from back to tummy; “Daniel starts sounding croupy.”

March 22, 1994 – “Croup worse. See Dr. Lina. Aunt Betty arrives!”

March 23, 1994 – “Drinks from cup with some help (more cow’s milk). Croup much improved.”

March 26, 1994 – “Croup sounds still when Daniel first wakes up in the morning or from a nap, but fine the rest of the day. We leave the humidifier running in his room all the time.”

Sleeping habits: “Has become pretty good at putting himself back to sleep at each 3 or 4 hour cycle. Often goes past 8, even to 9:30 sometimes. Still usually doesn’t get to bed before 11, often 11:30 or even 12 (12/1/93). Early March: realizing Daniel will soon outgrown swing, we try to rely on it less at 5 to 6 am hours when he wakes too soon. Late March: Macomb – mostly sleeps very well, often 10 hours at a stretch, but has a couple of really bad nights.”

Naps: Still sleeps when he feels like it, but now mostly for some period (15 minutes to 2 hours) before his second and third feedings i.e., around 12 or 1 pm and around 5 or 6 pm. (12/1/93)

March 27,1993 – Daniel’s worst night ever. Rocked to sleep at 12:30, finally, then awake (wide awake with smiles and squirms) at 2:30. Mommy tries everything, finally returning to bed at 5:00 despite concerns about dryer air. Mommy sleeps lightly till 7:00 when Daniel wakes again. Of course he sleeps much of the day.

March 28, 1994 – “Early to bed, but then up again at 2:30, one thing not tried before: a bath! (wakes grandma, oops!) Tuckers Daniel out, and he sleeps, though grandma is awake, most of remainder of night.” “Gallagher (Daniel with Aunt Vi)”

April 3, 1994 – Holiday “Randy’s birthday” and apparently Easter, as well.

April 18, 1994 – Special Day! “(about 10 an) Following Elizabeth’s advice, mommy puts Daniel on the potty when he grunts, and he does his first in the potty! Completely unaware, of course, but it’s a start.”

April 21, 1994 – Daniel sleeps all night again after several nights of 3:00 or 5:30 awakenings (Mommy is glad as she has the flu for the day).”

April 22, 1994 – “Daniel rolls over in night (Still can’t go anywhere from tummy: not to back, not back to sitting, not even moving forward or backward).” “David Copperfield (Daniel with Lenore)”

April 23, 1994 – “2nd time on potty – very successful (as Daniel‘s diapers indicate he may have a touch of Mommy’s malady)”

April 24, 1994 – “While watching Monty Python with Daddy, Daniel claps with their recorded audience.”

April 26, 1994 – Daniel explores water by putting his face in at bathtime. He comes up sneezing, coughing, and looking red-faced and flustered. Still, he doesn’t cry. Later he tries again, this time blowing a few bubbles.

April 29, 1994 – “I didn’t feel Daniel’s new teeth until Sunday but one felt through enough to have come in on Friday. Strangely, it is the outer left of the four middle uppers. Also strange is that the outer right is the one that didn’t break out yet, despite being the first to swell up and look angry a month ago.”

April 30, 1994 – “The two middle upper teeth probably broke through in the night here.”

Buggy rides: “Mamma skates and pushes Daniel in buggy to Valli produce store and Jewel, or to Kmart, or even to bank and Jewel and recycling, but not lately (12/1/93)” Understandable, given the time of year.

Boat rides: Ferry boat over and back to Middle Bass Island, Ohio, (August 1993).

May 2, 1994 – “Daniel’s first hard-boiled egg and American cheese.”

May 6, 1994 – “Daniel goes to Grandma and Grandpa Larson so Mommy and Daddy can go to Greenville for Agape Christian rock concert (Randy Stonehill, Steve Taylor, and Michael W Smith). Daniel is good by day, but fussy at nights.”

May 7, 1994 – “Daniel’s fourth front tooth comes through.”

May 10, 1994 – “Daniel’s first taste of cheddar cheese (I think).”

May 11, 1994 – “Grandma and Grandpa Sanders visit, and as if in honor of the occasion, Daniel sits up for us. Actually, his first time is a few hours earlier when Mommy finds him sitting up in his crib after an early morning nap.”

May 12, 1994 – rolls from tummy to back “as if to show off for aunt Sally. Then he struggles to a sitting position for his third time.”

May 13, 1994 – “Daniel has his first spaghetti sauce when he gets ravenous while Mommy is eating her lunch. Later, when his dinner isn’t enough, he gets some mashed potatoes and nibbles of pork chop.”

May 14, 1994 – “Daniel‘s first belly laugh – when a purple mylar balloon is tied to his ankle at Hangtime (it and a cake are from Daddy to Mommy for her birthday)”

May 16, 1994 – Daniel is difficult to change right now, as he tries to sit up as soon as his diaper is removed (no matter how messy it may have been). So far, he always leans to his left as he struggles up.”

May 23, 1994 – “Daniel is not interested in Northern Exposure, but pays close attention to an ad with a baby in it; he looks away when it is over.”

May 24, 1994 – Smiles at “the stupid commercial with Eagle Man who lays an egg.”

May 25, 1994 – “While playing with his Disney beach ball, Daniel catches it with his arms once after Mommy tosses it at close range.”

June 4, 1994 – “Daniel is suddenly getting into anything he can get close to.”

Games: “Giggles uproariously when Mommy grizzles his ear, just as she used to when ‘Pa’ did hers. (12/1/1993)” “(6/28/1994) ‘Pat a cake’ – Mommy says it every time he claps, and he grins broadly at being able to start the game himself. If someone only says the first line, he looks perplexed and disappointed. Also does ‘So big’, and will raise his own arms after someone says it once or twice.”

Songs: “Calms from colicky screaming when ‘Little Drummer Boy’ is sung in his ear and tapped on his back by Mommy (October 1993)”

Toys: “5/16/1994 – non-toys mostly: (1) the telephone, (2) newspaper, (3) those plastic molds under cookies, also empty pop cans, and the baby soap bottle; he loves things in things, i.e., his bucket of shapes, and his can of blocks; he also prefers the toys with a lot to them: the radio aunt Jenn gave him, his telephone bank, his activity gyms, and the electric piano Grandpa Sanders gave him which not only plays notes, but if he pushes the correct buttons play pre-recorded songs. 4/95 – still non-toys: (1) light switches, (2) my old tape deck, (3) (and most important) his shoes – he used to be glad to lose them, and he still rather carry than wear them, but since he first stood up and walked on at 12/13/1994 they have become his security blanket and his pride and joy and he’ll carry them around for hours. Actual toys: still above, especially the piano, and his Bumble Ball.”

Friends: “(5/94 and 6/94) Loves everybody – very social; sometimes seems calmer and happier out in public, especially church, than at home with mom and dad; particularly fond of little children (under 3 or 4) and especially other babies: gets all excited when we pass in the restaurant or at market, loves Thursday mornings with Jeanne (9/93-5/94) and church nursery. (Spring 1995) Still likes the older children – points to them at mall or on TV screen, but tends to tackle or hit his peers when he plays with them.”

June 6, 1994 – “Eagle again… While sitting with his back against the TV table in the bedroom – no view of the screen – Daniel heard the first screech of the brakes and he knew his favorite commercial was on. He started craning his neck to try and see above and behind himself until mommy pulled him to where he could see it better.”

June 9, 1994 – “Daniel holds onto his gym and remains standing once helped up. Daniel crawls his first couple of feet to get to the dishwasher to bang on it. Also, Eagle to the rescue after falling; he was fussing, and I was busy, and for the first time, I was glad to see that stupid ad come on to help take his mind off his frustrations.”

June 15, 1994 – “Daniel gives Mommy ‘what for’ and shows his temper: during a very busy half hour Daniel grunts, Mommy forgets and when Daniel goes toward a water bucket, Mommy moves him to his gym to stand, but lets go too quickly, and he lands with a squish. Daniel slowly turns to face mommy and lets out a long scream, followed by his exorcists, baby noises – two or three sentences worth, and stern, scolding facial expression.”

June 23, 1994 – Climbs upstairs – “front hall to reach Mommy and Rufus in kitchen” “Daniel plays patty cake when Mommy says the words (without already clapping first) and raises his arms for ‘So big!’ after a diaper change.”

Funny things baby said and did: “Before he can talk, Daniel begins gurgling sounds Mommy hears as words – the funniest being ‘Leinenkugel,’ Duane’s favorite beer. Also ‘Ellen’ and frequently ‘Hi.’ (October ’93) Once in about July 1993, Daniel was fussing and Daddy was carrying him around talking to him. He looked out Daniel’s window and said, ‘That’s a garage, can you say “garage”?’ Well, for a one-month-old, he tried pretty hard: he opened his mouth and said ‘Burp!’ Less than a month later, Pat Crail asked him to say ‘Aunt Pat,’ and this time he managed what sounded like three syllables. She told him she would have to give him a D for pronunciation, but he definitely deserved an A for effort.”

“First words: of course ‘Da-Da’ and ‘Ma-Ma’ were first (in that order), but for a while, we were both each – if Daniel was happy or excited, he would grin and say ‘Da-da-da’; if he was hungry or needed changing, etc. he would come to either of us with ‘mum-mum-mum’, (probably around January ‘95). ‘Bye-bye’ followed soon after. Then nothing new one till March 3 Grandma and Grandpa Sanders arrived to take us (Mom and Daniel) to Macomb.”

Special personality traits: “Almost no separation anxiety in the first whole year (once in a while, peeking in after choir before sermon, makes him fuss, but only if he is short on sleep). He never showed fear of stranger awareness at four months either. ‘He’s a cuddler’ (Julie versus Sarah Lee as babies) – said by Grandpa Sanders. 6/27/94”

July 17, 1994 – “Daniel pulls himself with help of bathtub (after visiting 4-5 open houses)”

And apart from a sticker commenting about Daniel standing up in his crib on the 20th of July, this is the last entry in this little booklet. You spent more than a year putting this together, and I never saw it (to the best of my knowledge) until after you were gone. Such a labor of love on your part, but none of us got to appreciate it while you were around.

Although, to be fair, why would we? There’s so much going on in the present, that taking the time to appreciate the past doesn’t occur to us, until we run out of present (and, as much to the point, the future) to enjoy. There was more to focus on in the moment and in the ‘yet to come’ for us to concern ourselves with what had already passed.

But here I am, taking my first good luck at the memories of that year. Some of them don’t really even have so much to do with Daniel as what you and I were doing; we did leave him with a lot of babysitters throughout that first year, didn’t we? Of course, we had a lot of babysitters to leave him with, and it was still our first year together, too, so that should have been understandable. I’d like to think he’s turned out okay despite all of that, but I’m not really entirely sure.

There are many reasons to miss those days; the fact that Daniel is no longer the fast-growing, curious, reaching-out-to-everyone little child he used to be, the names you drop throughout these entries that are no longer with us (or, for those that are, we’ve lost track of), and of course, the fact that you’re not here to see what continues to transpire as we still grow older. You closed this book after thirteen months, and your own story ended in your fiftieth year, but there are pieces of the story that I am only now working on writing down, so you don’t entirely miss them (and so I can, if need be, refer back to them some day).

Until these stories come to an end, honey, keep and eye on the both of us, and wish us luck. We’re going to need it.