Essay Test

Dearest Rachel –

It’s something of an axiom these days to compare dating with a job interview, especially given the line of questioning one winds up dealing with under the guise of small talk. At least one comedian I know of has suggested that the only difference is that you’re much less likely to wind up naked in bed with your interviewer when you’re applying for a job. Granted, the joke is lost on the likes of me, as if I were offered a… position (such as missionary or doggy), especially at such an early stage in a relationship, that would be a cue to run away in a hurry. Hey, I’ve read Proverbs enough times to know better than to “come up for coffee,” as the expression goes.

Besides, you hated the stuff. Coffee, I mean.

But in all seriousness, the occasional chat I find myself involved in with the dating app do sometimes feel like I am applying for a job. And to be fair, it’s understandable; if you’re out here looking for a long-term-unto-forever type of relationship, you can’t be too careful. Aside from the obvious (and some less than obvious) red flags, there are so many criteria you find yourself wanting in a would-be mate – especially at this relatively late stage in life – that it takes time to ascertain which ones exist in the person you’re meeting with, and how best to draw the ones you most prefer out. Each of us are doing this to the other as we go along; even as we may feel that we are being interviewed, so too are we interviewing the other.

It makes for a less fun process than dating really ought to be, but that’s how things are.

At the moment, I’m discussing things with a woman who really hasn’t done much in the dating sphere. She’d had a dream that the first man she dated would become her forever love (which, while it’s not impossible – it so happened to you, after all – is such a remote possibility that such thinking is almost inherently dangerous), but after getting burned back in high school, dispensed with the whole idea of male/female relationships. From what she tells me, she did what she could to render herself either invisible or unappealing to men, and went on with her single life. Even now, as she’s dipping her toes into the ecosystem, she admits that she’s doing it in part at another’s urging – whether another person or God Himself, she’s not sure. She seems to want to “build a godly family,” among other things.

I’m not sure what to make of that phrase. Since we’re both in our fifties, I think that ship has pretty much sailed; and in any event, there are other things that would preclude that sort of thing going forward.

Anyway, last night, as I was about to shut down for the night, I went to check my mail, and found an email from her for the first time in about a week (yes, our conversation runs at a glacial pace in comparison to so many in the past. In some ways, that convinces me that she’s real, and not some catfish out for money; that, and the questions she poses and was about to pose). As usual, she had some questions for me… but these were not the sort you generally discuss over a casual candlelit dinner.

Oh, there were a couple that were reasonably innocuous, such as what my plans had been for the YouTube channel I’d dreamed of making (and in turn, what sorts of things I tend to watch on the platform in my downtime; I’ll have to point out that it differs between when I’m alone and when I’m with Daniel, to say nothing of when it was the three of us together). But most of them had to do with my spiritual journey, and the things I believe; how I met God, what He means to me, what ‘church’ means to me, what He’s teaching me presently, what scriptures I find important. There were also some questions about the meaning of family, and whether I have any goals in my life (which I’ve mentioned as being a sore spot going back to the days of swapping mix tapes).

This was not something I was about to take on as I was about to go to bed.

Did I mention that she’s a teacher by profession? I don’t know if she works at an elementary, middle or high school level, but yeah, that’s what she does for a living. And rather than the usual metaphor of dating (and pre-date online chat) being a job interview, suddenly I realize that I’m actually dealing with the essay test of my life.

I suspect this is the point where I might be justified in walking away. There’s a point where I feel like this is a bit much to address at this stage of the game. And in all honesty, I see her as having way too much superego to id. I always liked the fact that you refused to grow up; you always had this playful child inside of you – and that your playfulness extended into the adult world as well. Somehow, I don’t see myself being able to play Cards Against Humanity with this woman, or if I did, that she would enjoy it.

At the same time, by asking such deep questions, she proves to be one willing to spar intellectually in a way that I’ve rarely seen in anyone apart from you or Kevin. Add to that the fact that this feels like a actual challenge to try to give her a suitable answer to each of these questions, and I find myself compelled to at least try to address these things, and see where it goes from here. Whether this leads to anything (any concerns I might have about her apparent reticence regarding male-female interaction would putting the cart a city block ahead of my horse), well, that remains to be seen. She does happen to live somewhere here in town (having moved here recently to take care of her aging and ailing parents – her dad appears to be going through what you mom did not so long ago), so who knows? We may actually be able to discuss these things over a nice dinner at some point in the relatively near future, at which point, we can decide if and what the next steps might be.

But until then, honey, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck; I’m going to need it.