The Right Time and Place

Dearest Rachel –

I don’t know if it’s just me, but it seems that there are so many opportunities that we let slip through our fingers because it’s just not the right time or place to bring it up with the other person (or persons). The question is whether that hesitancy is warranted, or if the lost potential inherent in doing so outweighs the need to follow these unwritten rules of decorum.

Just the other day, for example, I was telling you about my reaction to a certain YouTuber’s story about being approached in the grocery store by a fellow noticing certain evidence indicating her single status, and whether she would consider him as a means to (at least on a trial basis) end that less-than-desirable situation. As much as she (and the comment section at large) seemed to admire him for his willingness to approach her with this proposition, I know that I would not have done something like that were it me in that situation; it wouldn’t have been the proper time and place for that sort of thing. And of course, for all her admiration of him ex post facto, she did turn him down (and indeed, some of that admiration was simply for him taking that rejection with perfect grace), so I still think my assessment of his approach as a waste of time was warranted.

But when and where are the right time and place to make these sorts of offers and connections?

The thing is, I have nowhere near the ability you had to make friends and personal connections wherever I go. I generally have to rely on the organizations I find myself a part of in order to assist me in making these connections. The problem is, these organizations are geared towards a specific purpose that has nothing to do with any other motivation I might have, be it business or personal, and the idea of attempting to make connections toward such peripheral opportunities seems inappropriate at best, and well-nigh sacrilegious at worst.

Obviously, I’m talking about church.

Ours is a thriving congregation – a rare commodity in this day and age, from all I’ve heard – and it’s great to be a part of it. I’ve mentioned before how I was able to convince myself that, even when I’d been told I couldn’t do anything right, the fact that I had been able to bring you up here, where you could make an impact in so many more lives in this area, and specifically this church, which saw new people coming in on a regular basis that needed to be welcomed (even if your efforts were on a less-than-official basis – all the better, really, as it was an organic thing to these visitors’ eyes, rather than any sort of ordained and sanctioned efforts at friendliness) was at least the one good thing I’d been able to accomplish in my life.

But for all the relationships I’ve developed there, I have a serious reluctance to take them anywhere outside of the context of the church itself. Which poses a bit of a problem when certain people and relationships could prove profitable – in some cases, quite literally – in those other contexts.

Take, for instance, the discussions I’d been having with Lars prior to my recent trip with Daniel. It so happens that one of Dad’s neighbors could be (with the aid of his company and sales team) instrumental in getting this product introduced into the American market, but my connection to him is through church. When would it be appropriate for me to broach the subject to him there? In my mind, there is no time or place for that when we would be in contact. Now, fortunately, there is a way to do an end run around that; I’ve sent an email in hopes of arranging a meeting completely separate from that environment, and if he’s interested, we can see where this goes. But for a long time, I was thinking I would need to talk to him directly about this, and doing so at the one place we have face-to-face contact seemed wildly inappropriate.

The same thing goes for any opportunities to meet women who I might consider to be ideal candidates for the role of “Megumi.” I can’t seem to find the comment to you at the time, but I do recall coming to the realization at the end of one of the several anime conventions I’ve been able to be at since your departure that, while it would be nice to find someone who shares that interest (among other things), that’s not nearly as important as to find someone who shares my more deeply-held beliefs. And where better to find such a woman than at church?

But once again, it seems a decidedly inappropriate time and place to approach someone with such a proposition. While it might preclude them from making a scene with the rejection, it is a somewhat public place for such a conversation. And to be honest, I can’t help but face this mental image of Jesus overturning a table in my mind, yelling that “[His] house should be a place of prayer, not a dating service.” I even picture Him using certain… colorful… adjectives on the ‘dating service’ portion of His rant, just to emphasize His displeasure with me for daring to approach someone within those hallowed halls.

Needless to say, that’s more than sufficient motivation for me to back down from any such attempts. I do hear from time to time that God has an interest in my happiness – to say nothing of the fact that a beloved wife such as yourself is proof of God’s favor to me – but whether His definition of my happiness, and what contributes to it, corresponds to what I think it should be, is another matter.

Maybe I’m being too cautious. Maybe I should use the same technique of external communication that I did with Mike. Or maybe I should just drop the matter entirely, and assume some things just aren’t mean to be. It’s another one of those decisions I just don’t know how to deal with.

So with that being said, and realizing you won’t be able to point me in the right direction yourself, all I can ask is that you keep an eye on me as always, and wish me luck, honey. I’m clearly going to need it.