Battle Plans

Dearest Rachel –

I can’t guess as to how much you still remember of your past life on this plane – especially things from so long ago (although, for all I know, you might be able to see the distant past just as well as the relatively recent, from your perspective), but I’m reminded today, for no obvious reason, of our honeymoon thirty years ago. Not so much for the reasons you might think, knowing me, but for how we started each day (at first).

You see, since I often thought of you as a little girl in a grown woman’s body (well, as grown as you were going to get, at any rate – when I would visit you and your parents in your hometown, I could not get over the fact that it seemed that, at 5’3″, you seemed to be of a fairly typical height for the community, while I seemed to tower over everyone at what I thought was a normal height of 5’9″. I would often joke about how, like Darby O’Gill, I’d “landed among the little people.” But I digress), you would enjoy yourself visiting Disney World for your first time. Admittedly, it might not be what one would consider to be the most romantic of places for such a trip, but sometimes there are other motivations behind such choices than mere romance.

And you did seem to enjoy the place, but – and here’s part of what took some of the romance out of it, but we accepted it as a necessary thing – there wasn’t much room for spontaneity. If we wanted to do certain things and go certain places, we needed to plan them ahead of time. And so, we would pore over a travel guide to WDW that I’d obtained (whether by purchase or the library, I can’t recall – in fact, it may have been both, as I think several such guides were employed), determining where we wanted to go for lunch or dinner, so we could make the appropriate reservations at the kiosks in front of each park first thing when they opened, and which attractions to hit when the crowds were at their (relative) lowest ebb. They were quite the battle plans – and yes, we referred to them as such, how’s that for romantic? – but they got us more or less where we wanted to be.

Until it didn’t; after five or six days of exposure to 90° temperatures outside, followed by mid 60s° inside, both of our immune systems were weakened to the point where we both caught nasty – albeit brief – colds by Thursday, and had to spend a day in bed. And not in the nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more type of way, either, like people expect on a honeymoon. On the other hand, I suppose Thomas More would have approved, although he might have recommended we do so sooner in our relationship.

No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.

German military strategist Helmuth von Moltke

Of course, to call reality one’s ‘enemy’ is to overstate things a little bit, but considering the plans we had for ourselves and each other, and what became of them at that point (to say nothing of what’s happened in the last couple of years), I don’t know that it’s such a stretch to say so. For all the detailed plans we may make for our lives, it’s all too easy for them to fall apart with a feather touch.

Don’t brag about tomorrow;
you don’t know what ·may happen then [^Lthe day may bear/ bring forth].

Proverbs 27:1, Expanded Bible

You can get the horses ready for the day of battle,
but it is the Lord who gives the victory [Ps. 33:16–17].

Proverbs 21:31, Expanded Bible

Somewhere along the way, I gave up making plans for almost anything. What was the point, I reasoned, when it could all come crashing down and all beyond my control? You would mock me for a pessimist – and deservedly so – and continue to make certain necessary preparations, particularly with regard to travel. Not that I’ve stopped doing any of that since you left, mind you, I just do so as close to the spur of the moment as possible, lest changes come up. It will mean that I’ve forgotten to pack this or that that I might need, but oh well… I can (and have to) adapt these days.

The closest things I have to plans these days are just the ones for the days themselves. For things to happen later in the day, certain things need to be taken care of, and I need to at least make those level of plans. For instance, the girls are planning to come over this evening (our third meeting in just over a week! Pinch me! Okay, I know it’s because Kevin is here, and they don’t get the chance to see him all that often, but still…), so I’ve got to go shopping for certain ingredients I’ll need for tonight’s soup. I can almost guarantee that I’ll get more than what I need, because it’s me doing this without you by my side to restrain me, but as long as I have what I require, what harm, yes?

And I miss having you by my side for these errands. It’s amazing to realize how these little things are so much less so when they’re done alone, without assistance or guidance. It’s not a guy thing to do – and what I sometimes come home with more than proves that – but those guys who bellyache about having to do this with their wives, and the time they take and the plans they draw up ought to try doing it on their own for once – or worse, for the rest of their lives, lest they starve. They’ll miss what they have, just like I do.

It will be nice, having everyone around the table, enjoying the time together, though. So I’d best go make plans about what I need to get, so as to have what I need. I’d best also clear the dining room table, as there will be need for chairs all around it.

Still, it would be nice to have need for just one more.

I guess all I can ask, honey, is for you to keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.